I don't remember ever being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I know that I've always had it. As a child it was tough and I did weird things like only eat mashed potatoes for an entire school year. Literally THE only thing I would eat. I also had a tendency to slurp instead of swallow my spit when I'm talking. It's an OCD tick. Some crazy family things happened when I was 6 and I wasn't allowed to talk about it. That's when I truly remember being anxious.
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After moving back home from Ohio there was a ton of stuff going on. I could write all about it today, but that would make this post light years long. Someday, maybe I will share it with you. Let's just break it down to this: My parents were separated. My dad had 30 days to move out of his house and in the last week he went to rehab. My house had been on fire a few months earlier. My boyfriend at the time was going through a 19 year old crisis and couldn't handle being in a relationship.
On top of all of that I changed my birth control to Yaz. I was already anxious and trying to remain calm and get through things, but Yaz gave me way too much hormones. I started having at minimum 10 panic attacks a day while at work - I worked alone at a yogurt shop while the other employees were in school. 10 panic attacks a day. Could you imagine?
I can't even imagine now and it was just 4 years ago.
I started going to a counselor and I learned some pretty fantastic anxiety management, which I am going to share below. I switched back to my old birth control and then it would happen like before - sometimes I would have a panic attack, but for the most part I could manage it. Plus with my new toolbox of solutions, I was having less panic attacks because I was preventing them.
At this time I also went to an internist to find out why I was unable to gain weight. Besides a verdict of being a freak of nature, they told me that I do have heart palpitations. They could not / still can not decide if it is caused by my panic attacks or causes my panic attacks.
Now, I rarely have panic attacks. The other day, I spent the morning going through all of the stuff that was packed in boxes back in 2009 - when my dad was moving out of our house. I had letters from my dad, from my ex and inspirational messages from my friends. I didn't realize that it was all affecting me until Iman went to leave for work and I just felt weird. Then I couldn't stop feeling like crying, and now I'm writing this. I'm starting to feel better. I hope this makes sense and wasn't too jumbled...
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My Tried and True Ways To Prevent a Full-Blown Panic Attack
1. Confront your Feelings.
This is really difficult for me. I don't like to feel angry, I think it's a waste of time. If I don't feel my anger though, I end up having a panic attack for no reason much, much later.
2. Try the tapping method
EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping) is AMAZING. My therapist started me doing this and, whenever I feel a panic attack start, I start tapping. I've taught it to a few friends and it helps them too. Find out more here.
3. Color
Coloring is cathartic. Not only is it creative for children to do it, but it is a way to focus your mind on your task in front of you. You can scribble hard and get out the frustration you feel, or you can let the smooth strokes calm you.
4. Eat food regularly
This might not be a problem for everyone, but I'm borderline hypoglycemic so when I don't eat and my blood sugar is low, my heart starts to pound, triggering a panic attack.
5. Watch my favorite movie
I cannot tell you how many times I watched Love Actually or A Lot Like Love in the dorms freshman year. Almost every single night.
6. Focus my attention
For me, I have two different types of panic attacks - ones that concern my heart pounding and shortness of breath and almost passing out; and ones that concern my absolute inability to move. These are usually caused by being scared of something and paralyzed in fear. Nevermind if it is something silly like people walking into the room that I don't know. I will literally freeze and almost cry. My best friends have learned that if they grab my face and talk to me and get me to focus on them, I will begin to "thaw."
My panic attacks and anxiety disorder is most likely different from others. We are all unique in our disorders. Obsessive Compuslive Disorder runs in my family. It is what keeps my brain turning and the panic starting. Many people don't realize that OCD is an anxiety disorder. I am diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder, however. I have OCD tendencies and it is a lack of control that will lead to my panic attacks.
Many people have an anxiety disorder and many more have one that is unnoticed. Mental Health Awareness is important to me because it doesn't just affect people who are mentally disabled, but it affects those like me - who's brains just work a little bit differently. I encourage you not to be scared of us or write us off as trying to get attention.
Have a wonderful day!
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