Flashback Friday and Why I Moved Home

Today I feel like sharing a very scary story that may seem a bit incredulous, but I promise you it's not. This event happened at a critical time in my life and it was the deciding factor in why I left The Ohio State University despite friendships, scholarships and the ability to graduate in less than three years. To this day I know that I made the right decision for me, but I still get sad when I think about the strong friendships I formed and the distance between us. (Seriously, can someone teach me how to teleport?) Luckily for me many of those friendships remain strong and I have several amazing friends willing to make the trek to California for our wedding next year.

The day my house was on fire

The night my house caught on fire, I was home alone when I went to bed. I made sure to lock the front door,  leave the living room light and TV on before I went upstairs. I don't like to be home alone, but I didn't want to go out and party, like most Saturday nights. I was excited. The next day I was going to buy my first car (on my own). I excitedly chatted on the phone with my then-boyfriend about the next day. I made sure to lock my bedroom door too, because we lived on the edge of "college town" and the beginning of section 8 housing. It wouldn't be my first scare (nothing bad ever happened...we were just 5 girls living in a house with homeless people living in the alley behind it).

Around 2 a.m. I finally fell asleep, still the only one of the five of us at home. Three of my roommates were out of town for the weekend and the other was at a friend's house.



Then, I woke up, terrified. Someone was trying to get into my room. Instinctly, I grabbed my phone and joined in the screaming. Then I heard my name being shouted, over and over again. Once I realized it was my roommate I ran and unlocked the door.

"Raewyn, we have to get out. The house is on fire."

Running down the stairs I remember simultaneously shouting that we need to call 911 (she already had) and I kept repeating "boots and jackets, boots and jackets." It was actually the coldest night of that winter so far, and somehow we weren't the only place on fire.

What I don't remember about running down the stairs, but what is probably my favorite part of the story is that I texted my then-boyfriend "My house burning" (What an awesome text to wake up to when you're girlfriend is thousands of miles away, I'm sure).

As we ran out the front door (in our boots and jackets, thank you very much), we saw that the police had already arrived. I stood out front of our house in shock, staring at it. It was just about 5 a.m., I was being snowed on and there were flames pouring out of my neighbor's house, licking the side of our beautiful Dollhouse.

I watched 3 homeless men get carried out of the neighbor's house as I made sure to call each of my other roommates and tell them what was happening. They shuffled us between a bus and the back of a cop car, while we waited for my roommates parents to arrive. The entire time all we could worry about was our cat, whom I had unknowingly locked in my room, ultimately saving her life.

Fresh snow hours after the fire

After the fire was put out we were allowed in to grab ours and our roommates' valuables since the house would be open in the next few hours. At the time we could only grab a few things because they wanted to make sure the fire was out. 

As we walked in the house we were devastated to see the water damage, in addition to the fire damage. The fire only touched one wall of the house, but the firefighters were thorough to ensure nothing else caught fire. My bedroom and our extra bedroom were the only two rooms untouched by fire or water. I was blessed in this because I was the only roommate who was from out of state. Where my roommates had hand me down furniture and furniture brought from home, I had bought all new furniture only months before. All of my clothes were in that house, I would not have been able to return home to get anything new. As I mentioned, locking my cat in my room had saved her life. 

Taken the day of the fire...completely untouched, laundry still there

She hid under the bed and did not accidentally run into some flames in her fear, nor did she get lost by running out of the door. She did not stop shaking for days and was consequently terrified of ever leaving the house after that, but she was alive. 

Princess Gwenevere, I miss her!

Somewhere in the midst I called both of my parents and spoke to a news reporter. My roommate's parents bought us breakfast and offered me a room for a few weeks while we found a new place to live. We returned later that day to retrieve the rest of our stuff. Everyone drove home early and we hastily stuffed all of our belongings in trashbags. 

Our next stop was the laundromat, where we washed all of our clothes and blankets. I spent only $200.

That's a LOT of quarters

Nicole and I at the Laundromat, happy we survived!

Luckily, our landlord - the most awesome and amazing and gracious landlord we could have ever asked for - found us a new place to live by the end of the day and it would be ready for us by the end of the week. We would be downsizing from a 6 bedroom to a 3 bedroom, but luckily 2 roommates' families lived within 20 minutes of school. 

By the end of the day I had made my decision to move back to California. There was a feeling and a voice inside me that I could not ignore. No matter who hugged me or took care of me that day, I needed my mom. I was 19 years old and brutally homesick. Returning to school for my sophomore year had already been tough. I had spent much of my first quarter as a freshman and all of my second ill due to the weather. As a consequence, my friendships were affected. Determined, I returned the following fall. Fall Quarter was amazing, and winter, too, but I just knew that I needed to leave. 

The fire had started late Saturday night when three homeless men were squatting in my neighbors' recently evicted house. All of their hoarded belongings were still inside. Being the coldest day of that year, the homeless men started a trashcan fire. As my roommate was drifting off to sleep she heard yelling and a big crash. She looked out her window to see flames pouring toward her. The three homeless men were rushed to the hospital, but did not survive. 

The neighbors' house, condemned, a year later, frozen in time

To this day, I am terrified of fire, and I live in a state that's biggest and most common disaster is just that. It's fire season right now, and every year my nightmares come back. I am both fascinated and scared of fire, yet I could not be more proud of my fiance for his dream to be a firefighter. Those men kept my roommate and I calm as they handled our fire that day - only moments after leaving another fire earlier that night. Those men are endlessly brave, and we are eternally grateful. My heart aches for the firefighters Arizona lost a few weeks ago. 

All my love,

Survival and Self-Defense

Good morning,

And yes, I say good morning because this picture was taken at the airport on my return trip from North Carolina early Friday morning. When I say early, I mean this Cali girl left on an adventure to the airport at 7am, east coast time. ((I am hardly a morning person on Cali time......add in 3 hours ahead and I'm a wreck. I was the biggest insomniac when I went to school in Ohio and for the first year of me being home)).

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. ADVENTURES and, I suppose, their dangers. Who doesn't love an adventure? I swear there's a story here that's more than just having fun. It's going to be full of confidence and is the perfect example of what a WQ can do...and that is: To Survive On Her Own.

Warrior Queens

Hi guys,

Sorry for the week-long hiatus. I went on vacation for my last week of winter break and am currently in North Carolina. I found some time to write for you guys and it's about something very important that happened to me last week :)

Have you met the original WQs? The girls who got me through high school with the WQ philosophy. The girls who were going to get WQ tattoos with me? Well, there was a group of us...I want to say 5 or 6 who started calling ourselves WQ back in the day.

A few of some of the original WQs (I'm in the middle)

Your Voice

Have you used your voice lately?
No, I don't mean have you spoken to anyone and literally heard your voice. I mean have you used your VOICE? Have you spoken from the depths of your soul? Have you done something that you believe in?  Have you done something to promote positive CHANGE?

Because let's face it, there's always something that needs to be changed. We were not designed to be content in our lives - we're curious, we're learning every day, and we should constantly be working to make this planet - this gift that we've been given of life - to make it the best it can be.

Change does not have to be something big. As my favorite movie character says: "You can't change the world but you can make a dent." - Sheldon Mopes (Death to Smoochy). 


When's the last time you smiled at a stranger? Do it. Hug someone. Do something positive for yourself - because when you do something positive for yourself -- your positive energy is contagious. 


LOVE with every ounce of your being. SCREAM it at the top of your lungs. 

Use your voice to make a difference.

Modern Feminism

Yesterday I was bored and reading MySpace bulletins and came across one that looked pretty promising. The subject was “HAHAHAHA thanks conservapedia.” Instantly, I knew I had to read it. This is what I found:

Specifically, a modern feminist tends to:

* believe that there are no meaningful differences between men and women - 1
* oppose chivalry and even feign insult at harmless displays of it - 2
* view traditional marriage as unacceptably patriarchal
* shirk traditional gender activities, like baking - 3
* support affirmative action for women
* detest women who are happy in traditional roles, such as housewives,and especially dislike those who defend such roles - 4
* prefer that women wear pants rather than dresses, presumably because men do
* seek women in combat in the military just like men, and coed submarines
* refuse to take her husband's last name when marrying
* distort historical focus onto female figures, often overshadowing important events (Eg: Henry VIII's wives take precedence in common knowledge to his actual reign.)
* object to being addressed as "ma'am"
wow, I definitely hate baking because its SOO stereotypically a woman's duty.

Of course my first reaction was WOW. I need to go to this website. Because, yes, I consider myself a feminist. Not a feminazi who hates all males in existence, but I am a very big advocate of women. You know the song “anything you can do I can do better”? That was my motto throughout my childhood. When boys tried to boss me around or called me mean things or hit me with a ball I would march over to them and give them an earful. Of course, if they called me four-eyes...well, let's just say I dealt with that in a much more “girly” fashion – tears and tattling. [[Hey, every girl has her vice!]]

So basically...I want to address the things that I think are a little ludicrous for people to believe...(numbered)

1. There is a distinct difference between men and women...physically alone. But as my anthropology teacher always says, women are VALUABLE because they can bear children. Men are dispensable and that's why they hunt [[haha, of course, that's not the reason men in America hunt]]

2. I like chivalry. It's cute.

3. I think it's a lot of fun to do “traditional gender activities” like baking...but I love to be pampered too =]

4. I think a woman should be whatever she wants to be. If that's a housewife who goes to college to find a husband I might think that's a definite waste of money but, it's your life...why should I care?!

5. I like to wear dresses. They make me feel prettyyyyy!! but I do wear shorts under them...because...I'm a klutz.

6. I think it's kinda cool that women get to choose their own last name at one point in their lives!!

SO I want to know thoughts on feminism. Is a warrior queen a feminist? Or is she just a strong, confident woman?

p.s. Www.conservapedia.com is the website that was found on...interesting to say the least.

Speak Up!

It's pretty rare for me to be a quiet observer at a party. Actually, it's very rare for me to be a quiet observer at almost anything. Mostly, because I am not a quiet person at all. But occasionally, when I'm tired or very introspective i will become the quiet observer (as opposed to the loud observer that I usually am...Captian Obvious).

Last night, I was at a pretty crazy party where I apparently was a hit. Mostly, because I'm crazy but that's not what this story is about. I was observing the people around me (obviously) and their interactions and, although I was not perfectly coherent, I came to a realization in regards to girls and guys communications in and out of an official, exclusive relationship.

One of my friends, was invited to this party by the boy that she liked and long story short there was a misunderstanding. She felt like he was ignoring her and so she got upset and, instead of telling him (because shouldn't guys just KNOW when we're upset with them?), she took the traditional girl approach to say "I'm fine." Honestly, my boyfriend knows those words are not a good sign at all. Also, i shrug. But back to the point at hand, of course it blew up into something bigger than was necessary because she was too afraid to say anything because she has no legitimate "claim" on him.

I have a legitimate "claim" on my boyfriend - we've been best friends for years, tell each other everything and have been dating for about a year give or take some craziness that we like to throw in to keep it interesting. Still, I get afraid to tell him things. Don't get me wrong, the fear isn't completely unjustifiable. Every girl knows that boys don't know how to handle emotions (their own, OR girls') and they hate it when we cry, which happens all the time anyway.

But this doesn't mean we should be afraid to talk to them. That fear leads to miscommunications and MORE emotions. It's like leaving the lid on the pot when the water starts to boil, pretty soon it's going to bubble over.

Also, I'm not sure if anyone's noticed, but guys are very blunt and straight-forward and don't like to beat around the bush. When a girl is straight-forward with the guy, they really admire her for "having the balls" to face this fear. Guys want girls they can have a conversation with, who hold their own and aren't AFRAID of them. (If a guy wants you afraid of him, he's not a good guy to be with and you should run away immediately because that is most likely abuse, for the record.)

So the next time something's bothering you, SPEAK UP. Don't do it emotionally, with all of the tears. Do it in a manner that is logical and clear. They'll appreciate it and you're relationship will probably be a lot stronger. =]

Take me as I am
as I was meant to be
and if you give a damn
take me, baby
or leave me
--Rent

"Bitch"

Today, I got my bitch back. And by bitch, i mean the Sherry Argov version of a bitch, not the "girl cruelty" version of the bitch. Argov is the amazing author of "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Why Men Marry Bitches." I consider her first book the original warrior queen bible. Here's an excerpt from the introduction:

"The bitch I'm talking about is not the 'bitch on wheels' or the mean spirited character that Joan Collins played on Dynasty. Nor is it the classic 'office bitch' who is hated by everyone at work.
"The woman I'm describing is kind, yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesn't give up her life and she won't chase a man. She won't let a man think he has a 100% 'hold' on her. And she'll stand up for herself when he steps over the line.
"She knows what she wants but she won't compromise herself to get it. But she is feminine, like a 'Steel Magnolia' -- flowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this very femininity to her own advantage. It isn't that she takes undue advantage of men, because she plays fair. She has one thing the nice girl doesn't: a presence of mind because she isn't swept away by a romantic fantasy. This presence of mind allows her to wield her power when it is necessary.
"In addition, she has the ability to remain cool under pressure. Whereas a woman who is 'too nice' gives and gives until she is depleted, the woman with presence of mind knows when to pull back...
"The bitch is an empowered woman who derives tremendous strength from the ability to be an independent thinker, particularly in a world that still teaches women how to be self abnegating. This woman doesn't live someone else's standards, only her own.
"This is the woman who plays by her own rules, who has a feeling of confidence, freedom, and empowerment."

When the warrior queen concept was first created by my friend Sasha, it focused around the types of ideals that Argov puts in her book. Of course, slowly being a warrior queen spread into ALL aspects of our lives, instead of just in how we dealt with boys.

So of course, me getting my bitch back doesn't just have to do with a guy, it has to do with school, my job, my friends, my family, and my stress level in general. For some reason, when I woke up this morning - I realized it - I had gotten my bitch back. I had barely noticed she was missing, but she's been missing for a couple of years now. So watch out world, the girl I used to be, is on her way back in. And I won't take any more shit. [[and neither should you]]

Part of this came from the realization my sister said to me yesterday. She sent me an excerpt from her journal that she gave me permission to include in my blog. It was a wake up call for both of us; and, together, we're getting our bitch back.

"We have to live our lives to the fullest and take every opportunity thrown our way. We have to surround ourselves with the people who make us happy, and not waste time dwelling on things we cant change, or things we shouldn’t be worrying about in the first place. Thinking about all of this has been a breath of fresh air. I decided a long time ago that I cant change my destiny, I can only make decisions along the way that reflect how I want my life to carry out. I am a strong believer that everything in life happens for a reason, the good and the bad. Everything that’s happened, everyone I’ve met, everyone who has even made the slightest impact in my life, everything is a separate intricate puzzle piece and I am finding out where they are all placed in the puzzle of my life. Some pieces are harder to place than others, but when the puzzle is finished and my life is coming to and end, it will have been the greatest adventure."

I hope I've given you all a lot to think about today!! Have a great one!



"Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov copyright Adams Media; 6 edition (October 1, 2002)
journal entry - Tiffany Martin

Confidence

Confidence. Guys say that's the sexiest quality in a girl. Girls say that's the sexiest quality in a guy. Employers look for confidence in potential employees. It seems like confidence is the answer to solving most problems. With confidence, anything is achievable.

But self-consciousness can strike at any time. I've been procrastinating writing this blog for two nights because I'm not feeling confident that what I'm writing is what people want to hear. But then I realized - I don't care. I think my ideas are good ones - my friends agree with me and the warrior queen creed. Writing this blog is a learning process - and only in time will I be able to get the confidence in this style of writing. [[Ironic though, that as I write this about confidence, mine is lacking.]]

Warrior Queens are confident - even when underneath it all they are freaking out and having anxiety attacks. Take this week for example - it seems to be a week of anxiety attacks, freak outs, and an all around lack of confidence in myself and my group of friends. But, as Avril says we are "the best damn thing."

When times get less than confident for the Warrior Queens, we have a tendency to write "WQ" on our wrists, hands, etc to remind ourselves that we are strong girls and we can do anything. Anyone can do anything, if you set your mind to it and have confidence. Even if you have nothing, confidence is enough to convince others that you have everything.




Quote of the Day [[QoD]] : Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm possible!" - Audrey Hepburn.