Wednesday Night Epiphanies

Last night, as I had yet another night of insomnia I decided that I might need to get this checked out. I don't think it's normal to sleep as little as I do. I might be about to get super serious on you, but I know that somehow my anxiety disorder is involved and somehow I need to figure this ish out before I drive everyone around me insane.

I think that I am on the correct path. I think that I lost myself for a little bit. I'm not too sure how, but I think I'm still doing some adjusting and need to do some looking at myself. In this, my blog posts might change. Originally, this blog was very full of serious posts. Then things became lighter as I had less seriousness in my life - less worries to figure out. I think during that time I forgot to keep doing some self- evaluations and figure out ways I can treat myself better or be a better version of me.

It may sound silly, but I think that I actually got more self-absorbed by not thinking about myself - well, my true self. I don't like being self-absorbed, although I definitely think that a degree of selfishness is necessary in every person.

I have a lot of things planned for 2014 - a lot of fun blog things. Some serious, some not so serious. Hopefully they all continue my growth as a blogger and as a human being. I'm curious to know what you, my readers, want to see more of. Please fill out the form below to let me know!!

On that same note, I want to also divulge that, while I blog pretty regularly now, I may blog more sporadically in the new year. It is getting closer to my wedding and I might get burned out. I'm not sure, I've never planned anything so big as my life with another person. I am excited. I am scared. I am happy.

But I'm also not happy. I'm not sure if this is common or if I am the only weird one out there but at night, I get incredibly sad sometimes. Maybe I'm letting the stressors from the day finally hit me; maybe I'm not focusing on the feelings I need to focus on; maybe I just need more sleep but this is definitely something I need to fix.

So if you ask how I am and I tell you I'm happy, I am. I am incredibly happy and thankful for my life. I'm just trying to figure my head out.

While trying to get my brain to shut off last night I read a lot of my really old posts - I'm taking 2009 and 2010. I feel like I was going through a pretty big life transition back then.  Here are some examples:

Passing Judgement
Rumor Has It
Girl Cruelty and Jealousy
Big Changes, Big Problems
Be Love

Please let me know what you think about these posts and what direction my blog is heading in :)






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TBT: Treasure Chest

This is one of my all time favorite blog posts. I originally wrote it in May 2011, when I was struggling with a lot of friendships and relationships. I'm happy to say that my friend who came up with this analogy is still a friend of mine today. She is the girl who promised she would never leave...which may not sound like much to some people, but to me, it means the world!

My friend's sister came up with this analogy when she was in high school and I think it's very warrior queen so I wanted to share it. It's my new philosophy that I've adopted. It encompasses all aspects of life in dealing with people and (sometimes) their toxicity.

Inside each and every one of us, there is a treasure chest of gems - rubies, diamonds, gold colins, emeralds, etc. And before we form a relationship with anybody, we must evaluate if their treasure will be as valuable as the treasure we are giving them. This is true in any relationship, whether it be friendship (what originally sparked this conversation), a relationship (which is what started the philosophy) or any sort of partnership.
Basically, is this person going to be as good to you and for you as you are to them? Too many times we form bonds and relationships with people who are just not a great match. We like to try to fix them, but no one can fix another person, they must fix themselves. You can offer ideas and advice and support them, but why support something that is toxic and will only drain you? This becomes a parasitic relationship and you will resent that person.
Now the part that I was struggling with is that I have been feeling deceived. When these relationships of mine began they were anything but toxic. Our treasure was of equal value. But as time wore on, my treasure held its value (as it always does because I'm more focused on relationships than anything else) but theirs did not.

People change, circumstances change, events transpire...but it does not mean that the treasure I was originally given is cubic zirconia compared to my diamonds. It just means that that relationship has expired. It can be renewed in the future, perhaps if the value hasn't deteriorated completely.


It's like this:

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 Creating a Beautiful Little Christmas.

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Throwback Thursday: Cultivating Your Friendship Garden

Today, I thought I'd throw in a little #ThrowbackThursday action on my blog posts! [I got this idea from Miss Mama Me]

I was looking through my old posts to find one to share and, while this one has always been my favorite, the meaning behind it is definitely standing out at me today. Thanks, Tut for prompting me to post it!

Cultivating Your Friendship Garden