By Nura A.
Kate Hudson just about sums it up in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days:
“I love you, but I don’t have to like you right now.”
In fact, you hate him right now. You hate the way you love him unconditionally, the way you let him hurt you, the tiny little things he does that makes you love him more- even when you can’t stand to look at his face. Oh, and that too- you hate his face. You know, the one you’ve kissed all over and look at absentmindedly so full of love and adoration. That one.
You also hate the way you can’t get any sleep; can’t eat (ok, maybe we all kind of like this one…); have a constant headache, stomach ache, heart ache; the way you spent the entire sleepless night bawling like a child; the way the lack of sleep and crying have made your eyes both puffy and dark; the way you can’t breathe; the way you can’t get the hurt out of your head.
And of course, you hate the way you look like complete shit. You can’t be bothered to do your hair, or make-up, or anything to reduce that stupid puffiness. Or even pick a coordinating outfit.
So here we go, ladies. Rules for heartbreak. Whether you’ve broken up, or should be breaking up with him for the way he’s treated you (if he’s treating you bad enough that you’re heart breaks- RUN! You are worth more than that, but we’ll get to that later), here’s the set of rules that any Warrior Queen should follow. If only just to stay sane.
[1] EMBRACE YOUR BEAUTY.
It’s hard to care unless you have the thought in the back of your mind of getting him back. Take that thought- and stomp on it. Just grind it into the ground. You should never accentuate your beauty for the sake of a man, always for yourself. Hell, even with those puffy eyes and messy hair, you’re still gorgeous. But because you don’t feel like it, take extra care to be your beautiful self. He can’t make you look like shit. It’s not his right. Besides, there’s nothing worse than finally being distracted from thinking about it and having someone ask you what’s wrong because you’re not looking, well, up to par.
[2] BUDDY SYSTEM
All those moments when you want to text, call, or email him and shout at him for hurting you, or beg him to take you back, or whatever thought it was that possessed you to want to communicate with him- CALL A FRIEND. Pick a friend, the second that you are hurt, that you are going to call. They don’t even need to pick up. Let them know what’s going on, and most likely they’ll be happy to be there for you (otherwise you need some new friends). Just leave a voicemail saying “Hey, I wanted to call him again…” And then tell them why. Tell them what you wanted to shout or cry to him about. That boy, the immature one that hurt you so bad, needs to feel what it’s like to not have you around or here your voice. We’re not saying give them the silent treatment, just refrain, warrior queen style, from giving them you.
It’s hard, and that’s why we have the buddy system.
[3] BIG GESTURE
If he hurt you that bad, no matter how much you love him, he has to prove his undying love to you. Like in a silly chick flick (which convolutes our way of thinking about relationships and love), it’s “big gesture” time. He has to do that crazy thing to prove to you that staying in a relationship with him is worth it. This isn’t movie talk here- and I’m not saying that you expect something extraordinary and cinematically epic. I’m saying you expect no less than what anyone who has been wronged should expect- an apology. “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it though- we both know that. So what does? It depends on the circumstance. It could be anything from a home cooked dinner by candlelight to a groveling apology with flowers, chocolates, the works. A singing telegram even. Most of the time, if you’re hurt that bad, you can’t even think of anything that will make up for it. Let him be he creative one. But stay strong. If his attempt is weak, like a random bouquet of flowers and the expectation that you forgive him instantly, then don’t even give him the time of day. Ladies, it’s called big gesture for a reason. It has to be big, and it has to come with the understanding on his part, that he fucked up royally and can lose you if he doesn’t make it right.
[4] MAKE HIM WORK FOR IT
I know, when he finally calls you, you can’t wait to pick up the phone. By that time, after your silence, you are dying for his voice. This is the man that has been your source of comfort- so when you’re hurting, even when you have your girlfriends, its so easy to feel alone. But don’t. Don’t pick up that phone. He needs to realize that you have a life outside of him (even if you don’t, the thought of that will kill him), and that maybe you don’t even care to pick up your phone. Let ring through to voicemail. If you can’t handle watching him call you and not pick up, then decline the call. Nothing says “I can’t stand you” more than a declined call. But since we’re making him work for it, it needs to be more than just one call. Depending on the situation, you gauge how many days you need to wait before he can talk to you. He’ll call. And call. And he needs to. He might just text too. Don’t respond.
[5] BE PREPARED
Be prepared to break it off. If he isn’t ready to compromise or prove to you his love, then you shouldn’t wait around for it. You need to tell him that you can’t be in a relationship with someone who isn’t willing or ready to work at it. Here is the ultimate warrior queen moment: you have to be strong enough to do what is best for you.
[6] GIRLS
Plus, when it’s all said and done, you have your girls to fall back on. We are always here for you, and we will always be. Heartbreak is a part of life, and we have all experienced it (or will). We empathize, but will help you reason. So TALK TO US!
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