magazineee

The magazine is in the process of being born. A very very veryyyy rough copy for a school project. Prepare to be amazed :)

Blurry Lines

Ohhh, Friends with benefits...where is that line?

Where is the line where you're dating someone? Just fooling around? Just best friends who kiss and secretly crush on each other? How do you know if it's just a hookup?

Man oh man, I'm pretty sure I'm not the best person to answer this question because the blurry lines of relationships are something that I've seemed to have gotten lost on lately. But Erykka told me I should write about them. So here I am, with my first blog in over a month (I'm sorry my dear blog, I've just been so busy!!)

Remember when we were in high school and you knew you were boyfriend and girlfriend because someone asked if you wanted to go out with them, and by that standard you clearly were dating. Fuck, once I told a boy I didn't want a boyfriend but then I kissed him and that meant we were official (clearly...I still think it was a trick).

But now that I'm in college and much wiser beyond my years (or something cliche like that) I'm getting so lost with these relationship standards! So I decided to make a list of what I think it all means and to list some pros and cons for them?

Single: Well, I've figured this one out. I'm riding solo (riding solo, riding solo). I can run around going on dates and kissing whoever I want and no one can get hurt because of that (unless someone is delusional...but yeah). Pros: I CAN KISS WHOEVER I WANT. haha Cons: I probably shouldn't sleep with anyone, cause that's slut-like.

Friends with Benefits: Now this is nice. You can be single but still have ONE person you hook up with. I think it combined the pros and cons of being merely single. However, someone ALWAYS ends up wanting more ((I can't wait to see the new movie coming out on this))

Seeing someone: Going on dates, no strings, but you like them so you're most likely not making out with every man on the face of the earth (this is an assumption of course). Pros: you have someone Cons: the lines are blurryyy

It's Complicated: Boy, this just encompasses every confusing thing you've ever had in a relationship, including "i'm not dating my ex but I'm still in love with he/she and sleeping with he/she and we act like we're together but we have issues and are ignoring them instead of working through them" and "i like this guy but he has a kid with his ex girlfriend and they still live together and sleep in the same bed"

Exclusively dating: this one's kinda simple too. You're only with one person but you're not officially together and it's a little less pressure. Facebook doesn't know that you're in a relationship either. This is like the scaredy-cat's relationship. You're basically boyfriend and girlfriend without the labels. Usually someone gets annoyed with this. haha. I know I would be. I'd be like "hey loser, if you're not my boyfriend and you don't wanna see other people...wtf does that mean?"

In a relationship -- YAY! the Facebook world can now know. So bitches best not be all up in my man's business...also, who else thinks that this means you should only date one person?! Okay, good.

Marriage: Well if you're seeing other people you're really fucked up. haha. Legal, Social, and Religious implications.

Alright, so where do i fall on the spectrum? On the single, it's complicated end. But I'm it's complicated with myself. hahaha. As in, I confuse the crap out of myself. So, let's just say, I'm chillin. Seein what happens...not making out with every man on the planet...cause...you know...i could get an STD that way...but I'm not devoting my life to anyone other than me.

I'm enjoying this chilling bit though. And i might...maybe...probably have this whole crush deal going on ;)

Positive Magazines

I'm curious.

What magazines did you read as a child? I'm talking before the formidable teenage years. I know I always loved to read that magazine that's at the doctor's offices with the fun games. I don't remember what it's called.

But I remember I was head over heels in love with American Girl magazine. Anything American Girl actually. I wanted the dolls (I got Josephina), I wanted all of the books (and I've got a bunch, including All About You, which teaches on puberty), and i religiously read the magazine. I briefly religiously read all other forms of teen magazines, but once you get out of the American Girl doll phase, it's really all downhill from there.

Take the next magazine I started reading, for example, J-14. It's supposed to target 14-year-olds. The only thing I remember from that magazine is that it had JTT on it and thus was good enough for me. But it was ALL about celebrity teens (seriously, Justin Bieber would be the king of this magazine).  None of it was about me, as a teen.

It just got worse from there, though I never could have imagined it. Innocently, I read the next step of magazines. CosmoGirl! and Seventeen being the most prominent, of course. I dabbled in other teen magazines like GL and Teen Vogue. But the glossy pages of Seventeen and CosmoGirl! seemed to just pull you in with their alluring, "look pretty now" affordable fashion.

Somewhere around 16, I realized how much bullshit those magazines were, are. They cut you down and make you question every thing you do and I blame the tendency of my generation of girls to overanalyze ever minute detail of a relationship on them and popular tv shows that are marketed to the age.

Seriously, can we stop the exploitation?! Can we teach women that they should love their beautiful bodies and they just need to be themselves to be happy! The clothes, the tips, the guys in those magazines ARE NOT going to make us happy. Don't even get me started on Cosmopolitan. Let's just say very few boys actually agree with their "sex tips."

In my years wanting to start my own alternative magazine, I'm surprised I wasn't turned onto one that already existed until last year. Teen Voices is the redeeming teen magazine in the magazine world. Yet, I've NEVER ONCE seen it on a magazine stand. I only know of it from research for classes on the magazine industry.

The best part about Teen Voices, is it's written for teens, BY teens. Pretty freaking sweet if you ask me.

This magazine doesn't stop me from wanting to start my Warrior Queen magazine (which I should be getting a tattoo for within the next few days). It makes me want to start a MARKET for these magazines. I want my magazine to help pave the way for teen voices - because that's going to be the better magazine for teen girls to read. By the time my magazine makes it, I'm going to be just as removed from this lifestyle as the other editors are. But I'm going to hold onto the passion.

ah! I'm just so impassioned and excited right now. I'll post pix of my tattoo when I get it later this week!

WQ Empowerment

Check out this article i had to read for my women and men in the media class. LET'S WQ IT UP!!!

New and exclusive: Enlightened Sexism excerpt, and an interview with author Susan Douglas | Bitch Magazine

new warrior queen playlist

It's been awhile, just because I've been insanely busy with school and work. I haven't forgotten about my WQs or my magazine or any of my dreams though, don't worry!! I'll actually be starting freelancing for a magazine any day now!!

But anyway, I thought we were due for a new WQ playlist.
Here it is:

1. Strip Me - Natasha Bedingfield
2. Vanity - Christina Aguilera
3. Dynamite - Taio Cruz
4.Glitter in the Air - Pink
5. Bulletproof - La Roux
6. Rockstar - Rihanna
7. Soul Sister - Train
8. Where's the Fun - Rachel Kanner (my girl!!)
9. Real Girl - Danielle Robay (another of my girls!!)
10. I'm not your toy - La Roux
11. She is Love - Parachute
12. King of Anything - Sara Barielles

lemme know if there are any more you think i should add!!! Have a great Tuesdsay <3
 

Feministing - v. To be a feminist

For the most part, and maybe I'm just lucky, but every class I've ever taken or encountered that studies women - be it psychology, media or something as simple as a self-help seminar - has never been anti-men.

Which is funny because feminists and women studies classes get a bad rapport for being "anti-men" thanks to a select few (like all journalists are liars and scum). So I get really excited whenever I take a women's studies like class, which is why I've decided to minor in it (i've taken 4 already, and 2 more this semester. I figured it can't hurt especially with where I want the magazine to go).

Yesterday I had Women and Men in the Media (seee, we love men!) In about half-hour I have feminist ethics. I'm intrigued. I have about a 2 hour break between classes today so I've been sitting in the library reading my WMM homework that's due at 930am tomorrow morning. I stumbled across a blog, and an excerpt of the writer's book and I'm practically running out the door to go buy it.

With that, here's the excerpt and a link and all of that good stuff. Remember -- FEEL GOOD about yourself =]

Excerpt

Copyright 2007 by Jessica Valenti from Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters. Reprinted by permission of Seal Press (www.sealpress.com), an imprint of Avalon Publishing Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

What's the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don't hold back, now.

You're probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank.

Okay, now what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I've even heard the term "mangina."

Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that's not royally fucked up. Recognizing the screwed nature of this little exercise doesn't necessarily make you a feminist. But it should. Most young women know that something is off. And even if we know that some things are sexist, we're certainly not ready to say we're feminists. It's high time we get past the "I'm not a feminist, but ..." stuff. You know what I'm talking about: "I'm not a feminist or anything, but it is total bullshit that Wal-Mart won't fill my birth control prescription."

Do you think it's fair that a guy will make more money doing the same job as you? Does it piss you off and scare you when you find out about your friends getting raped? Do you ever feel like shit about your body? Do you ever feel like something is wrong with you because you don't fit into this bizarre ideal of what girls are supposed to be like?

Well, my friend, I hate to break it to you, but you're a hardcore feminist. I swear.

Feel-Good Feminism
For some reason, feminism is seen as super anti: anti-men, anti-sex, anti-sexism, anti-everything. And while some of those antis aren't bad things, it's not exactly exciting to get involved in something that's seen as so consistently negative.

The good news is, feminism isn't all about antis. It's progressive and -- as cheesy as this sounds -- it's about making your life better. As different as we all are, there's one thing most young women have in common: We're all brought up to feel like there's something wrong with us. We're too fat. We're dumb. We're too smart. We're not ladylike enough -- stop cursing, chewing with your mouth open, speaking your mind. We're too slutty. We're not slutty enough.

Fuck that.

You're not too fat. You're not too loud. You're not too smart. You're not unladylike.There is nothing wrong with you.

I know it sounds simple, but it took me a hell of a long time to understand this. And once I did, damn, did it feel good. Why go through your life believing you're not good enough and that you have to change?

Feminism not only allows you to see through the bullshit that would make you think there's something wrong with you, but also offers ways to make you feel good about yourself and to have self-respect without utilizing any mom-popular sayings, like "Keep your legs together," or boy-popular screamings, like "Show me your tits!"

Really, imagine how nice it would be to realize that all the stuff you've been taught that makes you feel crappy just isn't true. It's like self-help times one hundred.

But all that said, I really do understand the hesitancy surrounding the f-word. My own experience with the exercise that kicked off this chapter -- "What's the worst possible thing you can call a woman?" -- was presented by a professor on the first day of a women's literature class after she asked how many of us were feminists. Not one person raised a hand. Not even me. My excuse-ridden thinking was, "Oh, there's so many kinds of feminism, how can I say I know what they're all about? Blah, blah, blah, I'm a humanist, blah, blah, blah. Bullshit. When I think back on it, I knew I was a feminist. I was just too damn freaked out to be the only one raising her hand.

Most young women are feminists, but we're too afraid to say it -- or even to recognize it. And why not? Feminists are supposed to be ugly. And fat. And hairy! Is it fucked up that people are so concerned about dumb, superficial stuff like this? Of course. Is there anything wrong with being ugly, fat, or hairy? Of course not. But let's be honest: No one wants to be associated with something that is seen as uncool an unattractive. But the thing is, feminists are pretty cool (and attractive!) women.

So let's just get all the bullshit stereotypes and excuses out of the way.

But Feminists are Ugly!

Yawn. Honestly, this is the most tired stereotype ever. But it's supersmart in its own way. Think about it, ladies. What's the one thing that will undoubtedly make you feel like shit? Someone calling you ugly.

Back in fifth grade, the love of my life was Douglas MacIntyre, who told me I'd be pretty if only I didn't have such a big, ugly nose. I shit you not when I say that for months, every day after school I would stand in front of the three-way mirror in my bathroom, staring at the offending body part and trying to figure out how a nose could go so horribly, horribly wrong.

Ugly stays with you. It's powerful, and that's why the stereotype is so perfect. The easiest way to keep women -- especially young women -- away from feminism is to threaten them with the ugly stick. It's also the easiest way to dismiss someone and her opinoins. ("Oh, don't listen to her -- she's just pissed 'cause she's ugly.")

Seems stupid, right? I mean, really, what's with this na-na-na-boo-boo kind of argument? Have you ever heard of a Republican saying, "Oh, don't be a Democrat; they're all ugly"? Of course not, because that would be ridiculous. But for some reason, ridiculous is commonplace when it comes to the f-word.

For example, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh says that feminism was established "to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." Okay -- have you ever seen Rush Limbaugh? Yeah, enough said. Oh, and by the way -- I think I'm pretty hot now. So screw you, Douglas MacIntyre.

But Things Are Fine the Way They Are! What do I know? Maybe things are fine for you. Maybe you're lucky and superprivileged and you wake up in the morning to birds chirping and breakfast in bed and all that good stuff. But chances are, that's not the case.

There are plenty of folks who argue that feminism has achieved its goal. The 1998Time magazine article "Is Feminism Dead?" said, "If the women's movement were still useful, it would have something to say; it's dead because it has won."

There's no doubt that women have made progress, but just because we get to vote and have the "right" to work doesn't mean things are peachy keen. Anyone who thinks women have "won," that all is well and good now, should ask why the president of Harvard can say that maybe women are naturally worse at math and then have people actually take him seriously. Or why a teacher can still get fired for being pregnant and unmarried.

Seriously, are things really cool the way they are when so many of us are upchucking our meals and getting raped and beat up and being paid less money than men? And being denied birth control, and being told not to have sex but be sexy, and a hundred other things that make us feel shitty?

Methinks not. It can be better. It has to be.

http://www.alternet.org/story/50843?page=entire
http://feministing.com/
http://alternet.bookswelike.net/isbn/1580052010

Love Catch-22

It seems that in this millenium we are stuck in a love catch-22. What do I mean?

I mean we often fall in love and find the person we want our happy ending with wayyy before we are ready for it. This makes sense though. Biologically, we are made to mate in our teens and twenties. That's when we're most fertile. However, we've been socialized to not worry or even think about mating until our thirties or later.  It's okay to spend years in college and building a career and because of this we know more and we make more money. But our love and relationships suffer to an extent.

What happens when you fall in love at sixteen with a firey passion and that doesn't fade?

In centuries past you were encouraged to marry - whether it was a love match up or not. Today we're encouraged to have fun and not be tied down.

We've gone from relationships (leading to going steady to marriage) in the early to mid 1900s to "it's complicated."

And well, it's complicated is not always fun. An increasingly liberal society is putting us Gen Y-ers between a rock and a hard place.

On the one hand I've found myself in love but unsure how to fight through our tribulations. on the other side I'm 21 and I want to have fun. I want to go out and flirt and "live" - since that's what we call it. Anything other than having fun and partying must not be truly living.

Obviously,. I have some issues with this concept. But it's also something I'm living by. It's hard to escape socialization and society's pressures especially when it occasionally becomes very apparent that due to the society I grew up in, I am not ready for this large love that I have.

So I guess I'm stuck waiting.

Chegg is a money saver for suree

I know for some of my friends "summer" is just beginning thanks to summer school finally being over, but I've been on summer break since May. It seems like school is fast approaching (again) and I'm super excited because that means I'm back at a university. WOO!! I've scheduled all of my classes and got my student loans. The next step? Parking pass and books...

I forgot that the one thing I hate about going to a university instead of a community college is how much the books cost / how many books are required of you. I have 5 classes, but only 4 are requesting books so far. Of those 4 classes I have a combined total of 11 books to buy / rent. If I bought them all...it'd cost about 460 dollars.

That's freaking ridiculous. I know I paid somewhere around that much my first semester at OSU but then I discovered some awesome ways to avoid that. Ohio's way was the best -- there was OhioLink, which basically rents out books from ANY of the universities in Ohio with that book, for FREEE.

Here in California, we aren't that thrifty, apparently. Thank goodness for Chegg though. I'd been hearing about Chegg for awhile but hadn't used it thanks to my fantastic time with OhioLink (which I discovered in my last quarter at OSU, damn). Once I started going to the community and they wanted still about 200 dollars for my textbooks I decided to try Chegg.

Last semester, I only rented one textbook because I bought all of the others for 5 or 10 bucks on craigslist (also a life saver, but it's very rare to find the books on there. I was lucky). Chegg offered great service - I got it quick and I didn't have to pay to ship it back, etc. They also donate trees for you, with your order. I think that's so nifty and cute.

So, I became obsessed with Chegg. I'm going to rent as many of those 11 books as I can on there as soon as I get the reimbursement from my student loan. (Hopefully, soon).

My obsession led me to want to "Promote Chegg." Which is pretty cool because it's free to sign up and you can give the people you promote to 5% off. Plus I get a kickback (somehow, i think it's $5 off of my orders per person...)

So here it is everyone. The code to use when renting books on Chegg (which will save you at least $500 a year -- Through renting on chegg i save 250 dollars this semester, actually)

 I have a promo code that will save you an additional 5% off your total order, use: CC128312.


If you have any questions ask me!! =]

Have I told you about the book I'm writing?

I say this often and the typical response is no. I'm not actually writing this book, though it'd probably be a best seller. But as the story goes...

The book's called Relationships: Don't Do Them.
Chapter 1: Don't do them
Chapter 2: If you find yourself in one get out immediately

At this point, everyone usually laughs. They know I'm not serious. It sounds so bitter, so scorned. But with the way things have been going lately, we all kinda agree.

I'm 21 and for the past few months I've been preaching being single. I don't want the drama of a relationship. I love, and I can't escape the drama; but still I try. Anyone who says relationships should be easy and drama free is delusional. There's always going to be disagreements and tough times. That's just how life is, in general.

I don't want that drama, but I crave the love. You see, it's hard when you've had it, when you have it but something happens so there is the drama.

In the words of Audrey Hepburn: "Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you."


As I'm always saying, I love love. I need it to survive - we all do. So I'm always going to have hope. To want love. To want a relationship, despite the drama. The good outweighs it.

Teen Magazines Need a Makeover

When I was a 14 and 15 I devoured as many as 10 teen magazines every month. Like most girls, I loved what I found between the glossy covers. The articles on style, hair and health drew me in but it was the articles about the crazy things that happen in girls lives and how they overcame obstacles.

CosmoGirl! was my favorite magazine for this. They always had CosmoGirl! of the year and featured strong women role models. Of the teen girl magazine CosmoGirl! has always been the one I’ve wanted to intern.

Once I realized my dream of wanting to have a teen girl’s magazine I only read the prominent magazines to get ideas – mostly of what not to include in my magazine. Eventually, I gave up on reading these magazines at all. They drive me up the wall with their pages of fashion and style and teaching girls that looking “pretty for back to school” is going to give that confidence every girl craves.

Sadly, it’s not true. Yes, a girl’s fashion gives her confidence. Yes, feeling pretty releases endorphins and boosts confidence levels. But who are these magazines to say that these main styles are the one that’s going to offer a girl the confidence she needs?

I look at the styles to look out for this for back to school: “sexy tomboy, glam rock, comfy girly, flirty sporty, artsy chic and sweetly chill.” Well, all of these styles are just a little too high maintenance for me. I like to get dressed up, and my makeup done and have a great night on the town. I like to look “sexy,” “hot, “gorgeous” or another synonym. But my general everyday school style would have been jeans and a tank top, the occasional dress or skirt; minimal makeup and my hair scrunched into waves.

This was my comfortable confidence. I ruled that school.

True, some days I wish I were more fashionable. Like on Friday when we had girls night and were supposed to go to a club. But for the most part I love my style. It makes me feel comfortable and for me comfort is confidence.

This month’s issue of Seventeen does have that one redeeming factor. Somewhere toward the back of the content between those glossy covers is a promotion from Above the Influence and Seventeen that touches on confidence. “The confidence quiz” coupled with a mission statement is a very healthy start toward realizing the confidence that should come easily for any girl.

But those two pages could be easily skipped over as their scrunched between this latest style and that latest style. We all love to read about styles and want to look good. But shouldn’t a teen magazine be filled with more positive things and touch on the more shallow things briefly.

I’m not saying Seventeen is a bad magazine for girls to look up to. We have several magazines that touch on everything, but how many widespread magazines focus positively on teen girls? Not many. Like I mentioned, CosmoGirl! appears to be the closest to what I aspire for.

I will have it. People tell me that I should keep my idea to myself, so that no one steals it. But someone can take my idea without forming it the way I want it to. Who am I to care if someone else takes my idea, as long as there is someone out there being helped by it.

I believe it’s my purpose here – to help people in any way that I can. To have this magazine, I don’t believe anyone could take that from me. It is me. I live and breathe it, and no one could make anything as I could. We are all different, yet so the same.

Someone someday may make my magazine, they may make it better or they may make it worse. Either way, I will get that magazine out there. If I can’t be the person behind the idea, although I don’t see how I wouldn’t be, then at least I will work on that magazine to help mold it as I can.

A magazine is a whole bunch of parts, a bunch of people with different ideas. Will it matter if I’m the head or the one with the idea? Not at all. I want to edit because I enjoy it, but I would be just as content writing.

As always, my blog has gone on a tangent, but I like this one so I’ll keep it. I showed my confidence, where’s yours?

21: Fine, Fresh, Fierce - I've got it on lock

I know it's been forever since I've written. But I've been planning this one out since my birthday. I've just been too busy, but now that I'm in the process of moving and I'm done at bdubs =[ I have more time to write. So here it is - my 21 blog =]

Last year, around my 20^th birthday I had what I refer to as a midlife crisis, though I certainly hope that was not midway through my life.  I know I wrote about it. I wrote about how I wanted it to be 5 years into the future; I wanted to be married with children. My thought process was that I wanted my life to be stable, after a few years of total instability that threw me into this chaotic life crisis.

Since then, I worked daily to make things better – some of which I wrote about as well. I went to the psychologist to get my anxiety under control, switched my birth control to cut out emotional side effects and generally worked toward making every day happier and better. I’ve sort of adopted a policy of DGAF, which, in layman’s terms means “don’t give a fuck.”

It’s funny; the girl who cares too much is now caring so little. It’s not that I care so little about the things that are important to me, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need to stress about it.

When 2010 began I said to myself, 2010 is going to rival 2007, I can feel it. Overall, halfway through the year, I believe I was right.

2007 was senior year – I had all of my senior fun things, the newspaper was taking off, and I was moving to Ohio. I loved my first semester at Ohio State. 2010 I have so many fun things that come with turning 21 and just being more carefree in general. I’ve had my struggles – car issues, dealing with things with my dad, etc. – but I’m not stressing about them as much. My anxiety is continuing to fade. I work so hard at my magazine, and while I’m not getting paid yet, I’m okay with that. I am moving to Moorpark to go to Cal State Northridge in a week.

My one worry, and it’s a big one, is that it’s all going to end up like it did when I went to Ohio, overall. So many things have changed though, and this is just an anxiety about having anxiety. OCD. Not being in control. I know it all. So I push it aside. Not because I don’t want to deal with it, but because I know that it’s not something to stress out. I will take that obstacle when it comes.

I know I’ve been spouting out euphemisms like this for forever, but I actually feel different this time. 

Clearly, it’s been building for a while. On my 21^st birthday two things really irked me, but for the weeks leading up I decided I wasn’t going to let anything drag down my birthday. I was going to make it epic and I was going to love every second of it. I did, even the puking and feeling like death. I’d never before let myself lose that control.

It’s not a feeling I want to feel often, although I do admit I drink a lot more than I did before. But I always do it in moderation. Since I’ve developed my DGAF I’m out having more fun (because I’m not inside worrying) and I’m less stressed about my relationships with people. If people want to be my friend or talk to me or have something to say to me they will.

It’s really nice; I finally understand what it’s like to not care about every little thing being perfect. I suppose this is me not being as OCD as I can be. It’s me attempting to be more normal.

Since I’ve turned 21, I don’t want to rush that 25 years old or that married with kids. I’m content and ecstatic with my life. I’m single and I’m having fun with the experiences that I’m having. When I move there may be an opportunity to change that. I’ve been thinking about it for a while – I’ve been hoping for this moment as a make it or break it point. Which I know, it’s not. Life is a series of moments, a series of make it or break it points. “Day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.”

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I move. But I’m very into seeing what happens, day by day. This is exciting. =]

Just briefly...

As always, I was prepared to write a blog and then failed to find time...I spent yesterday relaxing and painting and then ended up having a way too crazy time at work. I came home and passed out. I really want to write my blog, but right now I'm just too sad, and I have more running off to do. R.i.P. Madalyn Elmore, I know you will be missed.

Please Don't Jump

I always have blogs planned out and then i forget about them because something more immediate happens, but I promise I will write my other one tomorrow. Things have been hectic, and tomorrow's blog will explain. For now, here is this:

Frank from Post Secret is a very inspirational speaker, as my best friend has told me. I have not had the fortune to listen but I love to read his blog and his books. The secrets are silly, funny, inspirational, hopeful, sad...etc. I love to see the broadness of human emotion from an objective view, at times.

Last week's Post Secret included this image:

Hastily, a Facebook page, among other things, was made for the author of this card. Please don't Jump is an amazing example of human compassion - and much like the airport in Love Actually, when he mentions losing faith in humanity, this is one thing that can make you appreciate the compassion and love that is there.

Love is my religion. Pain is the necessary consequence. Optimism is the obvious reaction.

Today, I spent my day selfishly thinking about my own things, until it became clear to me that my support and love was needed. Even still, reading this post card, I realized how much more love I could give.

I love you, all of you. I hope you have a great day tomorrow. Please pass on this weblink, and please, feel free to always talk to me.

P.S. this is the Time Magazine newsfeed on it.

More datingish advice!

Oh yes, Warrior Queens - take note.
(more relationship advice)

I will post a real blog soon - hopefully tomorrow night! Things are crazy and I'm in vacation mode =]

The Rules of Heartbreak

diddly do! I love guest blogs =] This one is from one of my amazing closest friends, and frankly, I couldn't have put it better myself. She's been a Warrior Queen through and through since our high school days. (She's an amazing writer too) And without furter Adieu, i give you my guest blog!

By Nura A.

Kate Hudson just about sums it up in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days:

“I love you, but I don’t have to like you right now.”

In fact, you hate him right now. You hate the way you love him unconditionally, the way you let him hurt you, the tiny little things he does that makes you love him more- even when you can’t stand to look at his face. Oh, and that too- you hate his face. You know, the one you’ve kissed all over and look at absentmindedly so full of love and adoration. That one.

You also hate the way you can’t get any sleep; can’t eat (ok, maybe we all kind of like this one…); have a constant headache, stomach ache, heart ache; the way you spent the entire sleepless night bawling like a child; the way the lack of sleep and crying have made your eyes both puffy and dark; the way you can’t breathe; the way you can’t get the hurt out of your head.

And of course, you hate the way you look like complete shit. You can’t be bothered to do your hair, or make-up, or anything to reduce that stupid puffiness. Or even pick a coordinating outfit.

So here we go, ladies. Rules for heartbreak. Whether you’ve broken up, or should be breaking up with him for the way he’s treated you (if he’s treating you bad enough that you’re heart breaks- RUN! You are worth more than that, but we’ll get to that later), here’s the set of rules that any Warrior Queen should follow. If only just to stay sane.



[1] EMBRACE YOUR BEAUTY.

It’s hard to care unless you have the thought in the back of your mind of getting him back. Take that thought- and stomp on it. Just grind it into the ground. You should never accentuate your beauty for the sake of a man, always for yourself. Hell, even with those puffy eyes and messy hair, you’re still gorgeous. But because you don’t feel like it, take extra care to be your beautiful self. He can’t make you look like shit. It’s not his right. Besides, there’s nothing worse than finally being distracted from thinking about it and having someone ask you what’s wrong because you’re not looking, well, up to par.

[2] BUDDY SYSTEM

All those moments when you want to text, call, or email him and shout at him for hurting you, or beg him to take you back, or whatever thought it was that possessed you to want to communicate with him- CALL A FRIEND. Pick a friend, the second that you are hurt, that you are going to call. They don’t even need to pick up. Let them know what’s going on, and most likely they’ll be happy to be there for you (otherwise you need some new friends). Just leave a voicemail saying “Hey, I wanted to call him again…” And then tell them why. Tell them what you wanted to shout or cry to him about. That boy, the immature one that hurt you so bad, needs to feel what it’s like to not have you around or here your voice. We’re not saying give them the silent treatment, just refrain, warrior queen style, from giving them you.

It’s hard, and that’s why we have the buddy system.

[3] BIG GESTURE

If he hurt you that bad, no matter how much you love him, he has to prove his undying love to you. Like in a silly chick flick (which convolutes our way of thinking about relationships and love), it’s “big gesture” time. He has to do that crazy thing to prove to you that staying in a relationship with him is worth it. This isn’t movie talk here- and I’m not saying that you expect something extraordinary and cinematically epic. I’m saying you expect no less than what anyone who has been wronged should expect- an apology. “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it though- we both know that. So what does? It depends on the circumstance. It could be anything from a home cooked dinner by candlelight to a groveling apology with flowers, chocolates, the works. A singing telegram even. Most of the time, if you’re hurt that bad, you can’t even think of anything that will make up for it. Let him be he creative one. But stay strong. If his attempt is weak, like a random bouquet of flowers and the expectation that you forgive him instantly, then don’t even give him the time of day. Ladies, it’s called big gesture for a reason. It has to be big, and it has to come with the understanding on his part, that he fucked up royally and can lose you if he doesn’t make it right.

[4] MAKE HIM WORK FOR IT

I know, when he finally calls you, you can’t wait to pick up the phone. By that time, after your silence, you are dying for his voice. This is the man that has been your source of comfort- so when you’re hurting, even when you have your girlfriends, its so easy to feel alone. But don’t. Don’t pick up that phone. He needs to realize that you have a life outside of him (even if you don’t, the thought of that will kill him), and that maybe you don’t even care to pick up your phone. Let ring through to voicemail. If you can’t handle watching him call you and not pick up, then decline the call. Nothing says “I can’t stand you” more than a declined call. But since we’re making him work for it, it needs to be more than just one call. Depending on the situation, you gauge how many days you need to wait before he can talk to you. He’ll call. And call. And he needs to. He might just text too. Don’t respond.

[5] BE PREPARED

Be prepared to break it off. If he isn’t ready to compromise or prove to you his love, then you shouldn’t wait around for it. You need to tell him that you can’t be in a relationship with someone who isn’t willing or ready to work at it. Here is the ultimate warrior queen moment: you have to be strong enough to do what is best for you.

[6] GIRLS

Plus, when it’s all said and done, you have your girls to fall back on. We are always here for you, and we will always be. Heartbreak is a part of life, and we have all experienced it (or will). We empathize, but will help you reason. So TALK TO US!

Warrior Queen Post on Datingish

I want a man but I don't need one. << This girl's a WQ =]

Loving You

I know I've been neglecting you, my dear little blog. Everything has been so hectic lately though. I really underestimated the amount of schoolwork and work work I would have to do with a couple of jobs and a couple of magazine jobs. I'm sick too, which is perhaps why I have time to write. I've been thinking about this blog for awhile now. It's really something that I try to understand, but I don't think I ever could...

For reasons I could not tell you, many people that I encounter in life want to show off their very best side of themselves to me. That's it. I don't get a glimpse into the flaws or anything they think I might judge them on. This is funny, because I do not judge. I am very accepting and understanding, and do quite enjoy flaws. I believe that the beauty of anything lies in it's flaws. They're unique, they're what makes you human.

I have very many things that I view as flaws and I end up throwing them out there at people at very random times. I like to test people, if they can put up my flaws they're worth keeping around.

But back to my original topic, I've had friends that I've been close with for a very long time, yet years later I learn of some big "flaw" that they've been hiding from me. I'll have thought we were close and had shared everything, but that is not always so.

For example, about a year and a half ago I found out one of my friends from high school was going to rehab. I was really perplexed as to why, but I supported him in what he was doing, although I did decide I could not talk to him for other reasons. It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I found out why - he had been doing coke, for the majority of the time I had known him (6 years).

I've had several people in my life who are addicts of something, people who I love and could not ever think of judging. I feel that judging does nothing but create negative energy, energy that no one really needs. So why is it that people hide their flaws from me?

I think to open up in such a way, to show off ones flaws as accepted but something you're striving to overcome, the healthiest way to deal with them. Be the best that you can be - but that doesn't mean to hide the bad parts.

For me, what I view as my biggest flaw would probably be the high-strung, high-stress, controlling anxious nature of mine. Definitely something I battle with everyday. Go with the flow everyone tells me -- alright, I'm trying! This flaw can cause me to snap at people over silly things, have panic attacks over sillier things and to attempt to control situations that are uncontrollable. I am a perfectionist, and my own worst enemy.

But that's okay, because at the end of the day I look at myself and I love myself for it. I might cause myself to have panic attacks and to be a crazy person, but so what? It gets me through it, and I probably wouldn't have gotten this far in life without it.

Now, if the flaws are something like an addiction, that is not your personality, and thus never something for someone to judge. Support and love could get people through that. Without the acceptance of such a flaw though, nothing can be done. That's the first step. That's your step to make, not mine.

Jason Mraz's blog, actually focused on flaws and affirmations yesterday. In a nutshell, he wrote about how easy it is for us to judge ourselves by our flaws. For that to be the only thing we focus on, and maybe that's why we hide it. Why not start every morning with some affirmations - some love for yourself? Because, i guarantee it, at least ONE person out there loves you. Why not make that two by loving yourself?







P.S. I hope my blog made sense. Like I said, I am sick. =]

Twilight Ridiculousness

I found this courtesy of a friend's posting on facebook. This is so so true. Check it out...

Feminism Doesn't Sparkle: What Twilight Teaches Young Girls

by: nikkigassley

Thursday, August 13, 2009 at 10:03:00 PM EDT

Rating:

Four years ago, a novel about a sparkly vampire and the girl who loves him took the world by storm.

It has been hailed as an achievement for feminism, a step forward, a new page in the fight. A female writer, a female protagonist, a female director for the eventual movie deal. This is what would make it click for young girls seeking a purpose and a fight.

The book, of course, was the first in the Twilight Saga.

When I tell people that I’m an English Lit major, most of them automatically say, “Ooo, have you read Twilight?”

Because I’m a nineteen-year-old girl, and all nineteen-year-old girls like the same things, 100% of the people who ask are not just shocked, but completely perplexed when I politely respond, “Yes, I read it. And I hated it.”

Usually, when a “WHY?!” is demanded after that exchange, I simply say I prefer wizards to vampires, but the truth is much more complicated. Twilight, and the acclaimed author, 
Stephanie Meyer, are not exactly what they appear to be.

There are some things I don’t like about the Twilight Saga because I love reading (purple prose, dragging plot, clichéd dialogue). But I’ve found seven very good reasons why every feminist should not just hate Twilight, but run from it like the Ann Coulter of literature.

Reason 1- Bella is adored by everyone, especially her father, for whom she cooks and cleans for while he cleans his gun and drinks a beer.

Bella is hardly a realistic heroine. She’s not flawed, unless you count clumsiness, and everyone adores her, despite her rather obnoxious perfection.

To many people- and by “people”, I mean “men”- Bella is ideal. She’s polite, kind, quiet, cooks, and cleans. She’s like a beautiful 1950s housewife-robot without all those icky character flaws and unnecessary conversations! 

Let’s look at these stereotypes, too. Bella cooks, she cleans. Her father is a terrible cook who would rather watch sports while cleaning his gum and drinking a beer than help his daughter with a few chores. Early on in the series, Stephanie Meyer makes it pretty damn clear that Bella belongs in the kitchen.

Reason 2- Edward breaks into Bella’s home and watches her sleep before introducing himself even once.

 I’d like to reference Jessica Valenti for the six-millionth time in my life. In her fantastic book, “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut,” Valenti discusses in one chapter how men are seen as romantic and women are seen as stalkers. I've seen this response to Edward's behavior a number of time. What he does is just soooo romantic!

 Let’s pretend Bella followed Edward home. She waited outside his window until she was sure he was asleep before quietly sneaking in and watching him sleep. And keep in mind- they have yet to exchange any words. How would most people view her actions? Really freaking weird, right?

We should see Edward's behavior the same way. Edward isn’t being romantic, he’s being creepy-really creepy. Glorifying this kind of behavior isn’t just ridiculous, it’s dangerous. We should be keeping girls safe- not teaching them that obsessive behavior is not just acceptable, butdesired.

Reason 3- In book two, Bella falls apart when Edward leaves. She begins recovery when she starts spending time with Jacob.

This one is anti-feminism 101, folks. Bella needs a man in her life. She can’t function without one. It’s exactly that simple.

That will be the first message I teach my daughters. How about you?

Reason 4- Edward frequently dictates whom Bella may be friends with and encourages his family to spy on her and prevent her from disobeying his wishes.

Has anyone else ever read those terribly disheartening stories about girls with abusive boyfriends printed in every teen magazine ever created? They like to include lists of signs of potential abusive boyfriends to make sure we prevent these things.

One of the first things on the list? He tries to control every aspect of your life, including with whom you can be friends and with whom you can hang out.

But Edward just wants to protect her, girls say. He cares about her.

Oh, really? Well, let’s move on to Fact 5 before we finish this discussion.

Reason 5- Edward withholds sex in order to get what he wants. He succeeds. 

All Edward wants is a wife.

All Bella wants is sex.

Contrary to what Edward believes, there’s nothing wrong with that. Bella is not some delicate flower that can be sullied or dirtied.

While it's definitely debatable, I know a good many of us don't see much merit in purity. Women and men should be respected and loved for their actions, but whether or not they've had sex. 

You see, Bella can make her own decisions. From when she has sex, to whom she hangs out with- Bella should have control over her life and her choices.

When she’s with Edward? He has the control. 

Reason 6- While Edward encourages Bella to have hopes and dreams, Bella would much rather cook and clean and care for their family, and whatever else vampire housewives do.  

And here is the real genius in Stephanie Meyer’s plan.

Most of us know Mrs. Meyer is a conservative Mormon who enjoys promoting abstinence in her spare time. Did you know she also promotes the idea that all women really want is to stay home and cook and clean?

In the Twilight Saga, Edward doesn’t push Bella to stay home with him and care for his every whim. He pushes her to do many things, but not that. No, he encourages her to get an education and have a life.

But Bella, Bella, is the one who wants nothing more than to stay home and care for their (eventual) daughter and her adoring husband.

Let me be perfectly clear here. There is nothing wrong with stay-at-home moms. There isnothing wrong with women who want to have families and to be the one to care for them. But there is something wrong when Bella doesn’t want to work outside the home, when Bella’s mother doesn’t work, when Esme doesn’t work, when literally none of the women in Twilightwork outside of the home.

No, there is nothing wrong with wanting to care for your family. There is everything wrong with telling young girls that that is their only option. Meyer has said in interviews that feminism is about choice and that makes Twilight feminist literature. Meyer fails to realize that she has the control over her characters. She could have made Bella desire more in life than love, but she doesn't.

Finally...

 Reason 7- Edward truly loves Bella.

 Here is what we learn from Twilight.

 Women should want to cook and clean, and stay in the home, forsaking education for family.

 Women must expect men to invade their privacy and, what’s more, they must desire this.

 Women should accept that they are incapable of making even small decisions in their own lives and they must, instead, submit to the will of a man.

 Women must understand they are worthless without a man.

 Women must understand they are nothing without a man.

 Women must understand they will never with anything without a man.

 Women must believe these things are done out of love.

 If Reasons 1-6 don’t strike you as a big deal, Reason 7 should be a red alarm.

Stephanie Meyer claims her book promotes feminism because it all centers on Bella’s choices. When I look at Twilight, I see a list of things I will never teach my children. I see a list of warning signs for unhealthy relationships. I see a detailed description of a severely sexist worldview. 

I love love. I think love is wonderful, but Twilight is not love, Twilight is not about healthy, equal relationships. Love is about equality. About partnerships. About trust. 

 When held up to the light, Twilight doesn’t sparkle. Not one bit.

A Touching Note

Yesterday, I received this message on facebook from someone in the group For Positive Change. It was entirely touching, and I absolutely adore people like this. I strive to be like this. I think i'll do something like this for my birthday. But of course, it's my big 2-1 so i have a lot of stuff i want from people and i want to be selfish for once. Haha. Let's not talk about it tonight. Instead, read this letter I got, and i hope that you think about this type of thing everyday. 
<3

Hi Everyone,

So today is my birthday and I have just ONE request.

What I want more than anything else is for you to really love yourself today. I am requesting that you do something really GOOD for yourself--anything.

If you have been waiting to start something--to follow your heart, I want this to be the day you just do it.

If you have been feeling guilty about something, take time and say out loud "I forgive myself for ....."

If you haven't talked to someone in years, let today be the day you reach out. Say you're doing it for a friend on Facebook.

If you haven't told someone you love them, let this be the day you do so.

If you want to do something really fulfilling, volunteer for a good cause.

If you need to forgive someone, let this be the day you do so.

I want today to be the excuse for you to do something good for yourself. Maybe it's just stepping back from the craziness and doing a little meditation and reflection.

Whatever it is, my b-day wish is a good excuse for you to do the one thing you KNOW would make you a happier, more fulfilled human being.

Sick of Sarah

Hey guys! I wrote my second article for Hollywood Music Magazine!
Check it out! 

To Lighten the Mood

One of my best friends posted this on facebook and I just had to share. SO hilarious. I hope it makes your day =]

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of MsWord and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I
did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -
ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but
when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail.
What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night - more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw
it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Oh and, new post in the next few days. I'm working on my to-do list!
Love Love Love!