Thursday, July 30, 2009

Technology + Relationships

The issue of technology was brought up in the recent movie "He's Just Not That Into You" by Drew Barrymore's character who was conversing with guys through numerous forms of technology.

"Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies.
Mary: It's exhausting.

When I first saw the movie, I just laughed about it, thinking "wow someone needs to work on her communication skills!" But, I must admit I've fallen victim to the numerous forms of technology, just not in the same way. Supposedly, girls used to sit by the phone waiting for their boys to call and ask them out on that special date. Now we have cell phones. Not only is my phone always on me, but I am constantly on it. My friends like to call me a "text monster." They try to take my phone away from me and I usually end up upset. I have friends allll over the United States and California, what if they need me?!

Usually though, it's "what if he texts me?!"And if he's not texting me back, my anxiety kicks in! I have no idea why this is so because, really...who wants to talk to someone constantly throughout the day?! We're gonna run out of things to talk about and talking should be considered more special. But we started out texting constantly, and thus I'm used to it. I really should just keep my phone off all the time. I have friends who never answer their text messages. It drives me crazy!! But secretly underneath it all, I admire them for that. Why don't I have that self control? Why am I always attached to my cell phone?

Technology though, can seriously ruin a relationship, particularly texting. How are you supposed to know the person's tone through a text message? Sure, sometimes the emoticons can really help but a lot of the time, if someone says something stern to me, whether it's sarcasm or not, I always think they're yelling at me and then a fight blows up! Or if they're too busy to text or their phone died...and I'm thinking "I must have done something wrong because they aren't answering!" It happens to every girl, don't deny it. Then you sit there sending multiple texts that just annoy the guy...don't do it ladies!!

Of course, with me, this obsession probably started way before I had texting. Only back then I was connected to my computer (which I still am. They used to make fun of me in the dorms freshman year). I would get off of school and go home and go online. That's where I could talk to my friends while I was doing my homework. When I got in trouble, the internet would be taken away from me. They would have to DISCONNECT it so I wouldn't sneak onto MSN messenger to talk.

I think with me, the problem is...communication is my biggest thing. I want to know everything all the time and if I don't, it drives me crazy. I think it's just the journalist in me. I want to constantly be connected. I'm getting slightly better at it though. Sometimes, I'll just turn my phone off for the heck of it - of course, those are the times that people "need me" the most because as soon as I turn my phone back on I have a million voicemails and text messages. It's really a neverending circle.

And I say that I don't want to text message anymore. Let's call and talk on the phone or better yet, let's hang out in person. But the second I get bored...I start texting people. So I think my reliance on technology will be another thing I should work on...oh and, snail mail = my favorite form of communication HANDS DOWN. [[i'm really an old fashioned girl at heart]]

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"Bitch"

Today, I got my bitch back. And by bitch, i mean the Sherry Argov version of a bitch, not the "girl cruelty" version of the bitch. Argov is the amazing author of "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Why Men Marry Bitches." I consider her first book the original warrior queen bible. Here's an excerpt from the introduction:

"The bitch I'm talking about is not the 'bitch on wheels' or the mean spirited character that Joan Collins played on Dynasty. Nor is it the classic 'office bitch' who is hated by everyone at work.
"The woman I'm describing is kind, yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesn't give up her life and she won't chase a man. She won't let a man think he has a 100% 'hold' on her. And she'll stand up for herself when he steps over the line.
"She knows what she wants but she won't compromise herself to get it. But she is feminine, like a 'Steel Magnolia' -- flowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this very femininity to her own advantage. It isn't that she takes undue advantage of men, because she plays fair. She has one thing the nice girl doesn't: a presence of mind because she isn't swept away by a romantic fantasy. This presence of mind allows her to wield her power when it is necessary.
"In addition, she has the ability to remain cool under pressure. Whereas a woman who is 'too nice' gives and gives until she is depleted, the woman with presence of mind knows when to pull back...
"The bitch is an empowered woman who derives tremendous strength from the ability to be an independent thinker, particularly in a world that still teaches women how to be self abnegating. This woman doesn't live someone else's standards, only her own.
"This is the woman who plays by her own rules, who has a feeling of confidence, freedom, and empowerment."


When the warrior queen concept was first created by my friend Sasha, it focused around the types of ideals that Argov puts in her book. Of course, slowly being a warrior queen spread into ALL aspects of our lives, instead of just in how we dealt with boys.

So of course, me getting my bitch back doesn't just have to do with a guy, it has to do with school, my job, my friends, my family, and my stress level in general. For some reason, when I woke up this morning - I realized it - I had gotten my bitch back. I had barely noticed she was missing, but she's been missing for a couple of years now. So watch out world, the girl I used to be, is on her way back in. And I won't take any more shit. [[and neither should you]]

Part of this came from the realization my sister said to me yesterday. She sent me an excerpt from her journal that she gave me permission to include in my blog. It was a wake up call for both of us; and, together, we're getting our bitch back.

"We have to live our lives to the fullest and take every opportunity thrown our way. We have to surround ourselves with the people who make us happy, and not waste time dwelling on things we cant change, or things we shouldn’t be worrying about in the first place. Thinking about all of this has been a breath of fresh air. I decided a long time ago that I cant change my destiny, I can only make decisions along the way that reflect how I want my life to carry out. I am a strong believer that everything in life happens for a reason, the good and the bad. Everything that’s happened, everyone I’ve met, everyone who has even made the slightest impact in my life, everything is a separate intricate puzzle piece and I am finding out where they are all placed in the puzzle of my life. Some pieces are harder to place than others, but when the puzzle is finished and my life is coming to and end, it will have been the greatest adventure."
I hope I've given you all a lot to think about today!! Have a great one!



"Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov copyright Adams Media; 6 edition (October 1, 2002)
journal entry - Tiffany Martin

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A friend of mine sent me this article today, and I just wanted to share it with the rest of you as it is very interesting and informative on guys in their late teens and 20s. Therefore, girls don't stress too much over boys immaturity, eventually they'll grow up<3.>


Kay Hymowitz: The child-man

Today's single young men hang out in a hormonal limbo between adolescence and adulthood
10:04 AM CST on Friday, February 1, 2008

It's 1965, and you're a 26-year-old white guy. You have a factory job, or maybe you work for an insurance broker. Either way, you're married, probably have been for a few years now; you met your wife in high school, where she was in your sister's class. You've already got one kid, with another on the way. For now, you're renting an apartment in your parents' two-family house, but you're saving up for a three-bedroom ranch house in the next town. Yup, you're an adult!

Now meet the 21st-century you, also 26. You've finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face – and then it's off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?

JOE MORSE/Special Contributor
JOE MORSE/Special Contributor

Not so long ago, the average mid-twentysomething had achieved most of adulthood's milestones – high school degree, financial independence, marriage and children. These days, he lingers – happily – in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. Decades in unfolding, this limbo may not seem like news to many, but in fact it is to the early 21st century what adolescence was to the early 20th: a momentous sociological development of profound economic and cultural import.

It's time to state what is now obvious to legions of frustrated young women: The limbo doesn't bring out the best in young men.

With women, you could argue that adulthood is in fact emergent. Single women in their 20s and early 30s are joining an international New Girl Order, hyper-achieving in both school and an increasingly female-friendly workplace, while packing leisure hours with shopping, traveling and dining with friends. Single young males, or SYMs, by contrast, often seem to hang out in a playground of drinking, hooking up, playing Halo 3 and, in many cases, underachieving. With them, adulthood looks as though it's receding.

Freud famously asked: "What do women want?" Notice that he didn't ask what men wanted – perhaps he thought he'd figured that one out. But that's a question that ad people, media execs and cultural entrepreneurs have pondered a lot in recent years. They're particularly interested in single young men, for two reasons: There are a lot more of them than before, and they tend to have some extra change.

Consider: In 1970, 69 percent of 25-year-old and 85 percent of 30-year-old white men were married; in 2000, only 33 percent and 58 percent were, respectively. And the percentage of young guys tying the knot is declining as you read this. Census Bureau data show that the median age of marriage among men rose from 26.8 in 2000 to 27.5 in 2006 – a dramatic demographic shift for such a short time period.

That adds up to tens of millions more young men blissfully free of mortgages, wives and child-care bills. Historically, marketers have found this group an "elusive audience" – the phrase is permanently affixed to "men between 18 and 34" in adspeak – largely immune to the pleasures of magazines and television, as well as to shopping expeditions for the products advertised there.

A signal cultural moment came in April 1997, when Maxim, a popular British "lad magazine," hit American shores. Maxim plastered covers and features with pouty-lipped, tousled-haired pinups in lacy underwear and, in case that didn't do the trick, block-lettered promises of sex! lust! naughty! And it worked.

What really set Maxim apart from other men's mags was its voice. It was the sound of guys hanging around the Animal House living room. Maxim asked the SYM what he wanted and learned that he didn't want to grow up. And now the Maxim child-man voice has gone mainstream. You're that 26-year-old who wants sophomoric fun and macho action? Now the culture has a groaning table of entertainment with your name on it.

That sound you hear is women not laughing. Oh, some women get a kick out of child-men and their frat/fart jokes. But for many, the child-man is either an irritating mystery or a source of heartbreak. In contemporary female writing and conversation, the words "immature" and "men" seem united in perpetuity.

Naturally, women wonder: How did this perverse creature come to be? The most prevalent theory comes from feminist-influenced academics and cultural critics, who view dude media as symptoms of backlash, a masculinity crisis. Men feel threatened by female empowerment, these thinkers argue, and in their anxiety, they cling to outdated roles.

Insofar as the new guy media reflect a backlash against feminism, they're part of the much larger story of men's long, uneasy relationship with bourgeois order. In A Man's Place, historian John Tosh locates male resistance to bourgeois domesticity in the early 19th century, when middle-class expectations for men began to shift away from the patriarchal aloofness of the bad old days.

Under the newer bourgeois regime, the home was to be a haven in a heartless world, in which affection and intimacy were guiding virtues. But in Mr. Tosh's telling, it didn't take long before men vented frustrations with bourgeois domestication: They went looking for excitement and male camaraderie in empire building, in adventure novels and in going to "the club."

By the early 20th century, the emerging mass market in the U.S. offered new outlets for the virile urges that sat awkwardly in the bourgeois parlor; hence titles like Field & Stream and Man's Adventure, as well as steamier fare like Escapade and Caper . When television sets came on the market in the late 1940s, it was the airing of heavyweight fights and football games that led Dad to make the big purchase; to this day, sports events – the battlefield made civilized – glue him to the Barcalounger when he should be folding the laundry.

But this history suggests an uncomfortable fact about the new SYM: He's immature because he can be. We can argue endlessly about whether "masculinity" is natural or constructed – whether men are innately promiscuous, restless and slobby or socialized to be that way – but there's no denying the lesson of today's media marketplace: Give young men a choice between serious drama on the one hand, and Victoria's Secret models, battling cyborgs, exploding toilets and the NFL on the other, and it's the models, cyborgs, toilets and football by a mile.

For whatever reason, adolescence appears to be the young man's default state, proving what anthropologists have discovered in cultures everywhere: It is marriage and children that turn boys into men. Now that the SYM can put off family into the hazily distant future, he can – and will – try to stay a child-man. Not only is no one asking that today's twenty- or thirtysomething become a responsible husband and father – that is, grow up – but a freewheeling marketplace gives him everything he needs to settle down in pig's heaven indefinitely.

Now, you could argue that the motley crew of Maxim, Comedy Central and Halo 3 aren't much to worry about, that extended adolescence is what the word implies: a temporary stage. Most guys have lots of other things going on and will eventually settle down. Men know the difference between entertainment and real life. At any rate, like gravity, growing up happens; nature has rules.

That's certainly a hope driving the sharpest of recent child-man entertainments, Judd Apatow's hit movie Knocked Up. What sets Knocked Up apart from, say, Old School, is that it invites the audience to enjoy the SYM's immaturity even while insisting on its feebleness. The potheaded 23-year-old Ben Stone accidentally impregnates Alison, a gorgeous stranger he was lucky enough to score at a bar. He is clueless about what to do when she decides to have the baby, not because he's a "badass" – actually, he has a big heart – but because he dwells among social retards. In the end, though, Ben understands that he needs to grow up. He gets a job and an apartment and learns to love Alison and the baby. This is a comedy, after all.

The important question that Mr. Apatow's comedy deals with only obliquely is what extended living as a child-man does to a guy – and to the women he collides with along the way.

For the problem with child-men is that they're not very promising husbands and fathers. They suffer from a proverbial "fear of commitment," another way of saying that they can't stand to think of themselves as permanently attached to one woman. Sure, they have girlfriends; many are even willing to move in with them. But cohabiting can be just another Peter Pan delaying tactic. Women tend to see cohabiting as a potential path to marriage; men view it as another place to hang out or, as Barbara Dafoe Whitehead observes in Why There Are No Good Men Left, a way to "get the benefits of a wife without shouldering the reciprocal obligations of a husband."

And here's what may be the deepest existential problem with the child-man – a tendency to avoid not just marriage but any deep attachments. This is British writer Nick Hornby's central insight in his novel About a Boy. The book's anti-hero, Will, is an SYM whose life is as empty of passion as of responsibility. He has no self apart from pop-culture effluvia, a fact that the author symbolizes by having the jobless 36-year-old live off the residuals of a popular Christmas song written by his late father. Mr. Hornby shows how the media-saturated limbo of contemporary guyhood makes it easy to fill your days without actually doing anything.

Will's unemployment is part of a more general passionlessness. To pick up women, for instance, he pretends to have a son and joins a single-parent organization; the plight of the single mothers means nothing to him. For Will, women are simply fleshy devices that dispense sex, and sex is just another form of entertainment, a "fantastic carnal alternative to drink, drugs and a great night out, but nothing much more than that."

The superficiality, indolence and passionlessness evoked in Mr. Hornby's novels haven't triggered any kind of cultural transformation. The SYM doesn't read much, remember, and he certainly doesn't read anything prescribing personal transformation. The child-man may be into self-mockery; self-reflection is something else entirely.

That's too bad. Young men especially need a culture that can help them define worthy aspirations.

Adults don't emerge. They're made.

Kay S. Hymowitz is a contributing editor of the Manhattan Institute's City Journal (www.city-journal .org), from whose new issue this article is adapted. Her e-mail address is letters@city-journal.org.


http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/opinion/points/stories/DN-hymowitz_27edi.ART0.State.Edition1.378ca5b.html

Thursday, July 23, 2009

How Healthy is the food we eat?

I'm not particularly well informed on this issue, however I would like to become more aware and more informed. In my opinion, part of being a strong Warrior Queen is being aware and informed of the world around you. It's quite difficult because of all of the hoops governments make us jump through to gain awareness, but this is why we have investigative journalism.

Last night, I went and saw Food, inc. with a couple of my guy friends, one of which works at Whole Foods, so he is slightly more informed than the rest of us and gave us information about Whole Foods after we watched the movie. I highly recommend watching Food, inc. It is not graphic like many of the videos can be, and it is also not as biased as many documentaries are (of course there is no way to cut out bias in documentary film but it is generally easier when the companies comply and allow interviews - which they didn't). So know that there are no big company point of views in this film, save for Walmart, which does offer a nice view on how the consumers shape what products Walmart sells.

My favorite movie quote has always been from Death to Smoochy, "You can't change the world but you can make a dent." I've always tried to live by that in everything I do, knowing that small changes will bring the big changes. However, when it came to food I could never stick to it. I always thought, "If i were to be a vegetarian it's not going to change the food market because someone else is just going to eat the food that I'm not." Which, I still believe is semi-true. However, this flick made me see the impact it does have, in not being a vegetarian but for eating healthier. Eating healthier isn't just eating fruits and veggies, it's eating the fruits and veggies not treated with pesticides or genetically altered, it's eating the meats from animals that have eaten grass and been raised as they should be, not like the beef that comes from any of our fast food chains where the animals are pumped with corn which is what causes E. coli in the cows and thus giving it to us. Obviously, not all of these animals end up with E. coli.

I'm not saying that we should cut fast food out of our diets - I would die without my greasy, bad for me hamburger from Tommy's Burger. But I've realized my efforts to eat "healthier" are not, in fact, much healthier for me. So I think I shall start shopping at Whole Foods and the Farmer's Market. I'll try my best to be involved in this movement toward better farm conditions for both the animals AND the workers (Exploitation is my biggest pet peeve). In doing all of this, by just making small changes, I can do my part in diminishing this exploitation and even, help end the diabetes epidemic. If organic food is more available, the number of people developing diabetes will diminish in some way, although it is a lot to do with personal choice.

I just found this an interesting topic. If you want to read more about it, of the websites I've discovered:
http://www.foodincmovie.com
http://www.foodincmovie.com/get-involved.php
http://www.takepart.com/
http://www.takepart.com/lists/hungry-for-change-get-involved/17056
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

2nd decade?

20. It just hit me that I'm not a teenager anymore. I have responsibilities now. I remember thinking that 18 was a big birthday - "Ohmygosh I'm an adult!" - but I didn't really start acting differently. I didn't have to move out or start paying bills, even now I barely pay bills since I moved back home. 20 is kind of a weird birthday because you're in the second decade of your life, but you still aren't old enough to do certain things (like drink and...rent a car?!).

I remember when I turned 18 and graduated from high school being so excited to start college and be on my way toward being a journalist. I think my expectations were unreal. I thought I was going to be working on a newspaper or magazine right away, but in reality I had to wait a year to just APPLY for the journalism school at Ohio State. If I had gone to a community, things might have played out differently - Britney was the editor in chief of her jc newspaper, but I didn't even touch the Lantern at OSU. I feel pretty lost because of this. I haven't written and had an article published in 2 years. Since I graduated high school I have taken exactly one actual journalism class (copyediting) and written 2 articles for that class (which the professor loved). But I didn't forge a relationship with him. He was an awesome teacher but he had so many students I doubt he'll remember me. So now, as I try to apply for an internship at a magazine, I'm looking seriously disadvantaged. But I'm not going to let this discourage me - nor should you let any adversity get in your way.

When I want something - I do everything in my power to get it. I am a strong believer that if you try hard enough, you'll get what you want. So right now might be transitional - as I'm waiting for classes to begin; my work to be enjoyable again; and my bank accounts to show more than a couple of hundred dollars - but I will reach my goals. I will move out, I will be a journalist and I will love my job.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Audrey Hepburn

Not to live for the day, that would be materialistic -- but to treasure the day. I realize that most of us live on the skin -- on the surface -- without appreciating just how wonderful it is simply to be alive at all.
-- Audrey Hepburn

Opportunities don't often come along. So, when they do, you have to grab them.
-- Audrey Hepburn

Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.
--- Audrey Hepburn

The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
-- Audrey Hepburn

I REALLY love the book for WQ-ness "What Would Audrey Do" by Pamela Keogh

Thursday, July 9, 2009

QOD

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt is one of my ultimate female role models and I just wanted to share this quote with you because it's exactly as I've been feeling yesterday and today and it's exactly the advice I always tell my friends.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Whatever happened to romance?

I may be channeling Carrie Bradshaw, but lately the girls and I have come to the conclusion that romance is dead. I could be watching too many old Hollywood movies, but where are the Carey Grants and the James Deans of today?

What I really want to know is if guys think that the lines they drop actually work on us. Because when I hear a line, or when a guy bluntly says something to me...it just doesn't turn me on. "I want you" can work, depending on the tone and situation. "I think you want some hot Italian sausage in you right now" not so much. AT ALL.

Don't get me wrong, us girls aren't searching for guys to recite Shakespeare to us and to dote. But a little romance every once in awhile can go a loong way. Spontaneity is nice every once in awhile - but guys like to get stuck in their little comfort ruts, which can be fine. But an occasional surprise is absolutely fantastic. Noticing the specifics are fantastic - when we change our hair style, the color of our eyes - those types of things really get a girl to go "awww." (aww is one of our favorite things to say btw)

Romance shouldn't be dead - and it really isn't hard to please most girls if you pay close attention. However, girls aren't entirely blameless either. We have our fair share of non-romantic moments that really can turn a guy off (like the mere mention of a menstrual cycle!!) But it's life, you want to get comfortable with a person. The occasional romance - surprise - opening the door for us, giving us a massage, even asking how our days were - that's all we really want. We want to feel like we're special.

I didn't mean for this blog to bash on guys - I've had my fair share of romance from boys - especially opening the door for me and it just makes me feel so fantastic. But every once in awhile, a girl just wonders..."where did it all go?"

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Breaking Up

Breakups suck. Plain and simple; those two words sum it up. It's not something that can happen and then you're done with it - it's not something that has the same results every time - different emotions are going to flare up and there's no set way to deal with a breakup. It's pretty ridiculous.

The one thing that I would say helps the most? Knowing that I'm not alone in the world - unfortunately people are breaking up everyday...and also, people are falling in love everyday (even if it's the second or third or twentieth time). I don't believe we exist to be alone in this world - an unhappy existence just does not make sense to me.

Breakups are a two way street - whether you're the dumper or the dumped, there are still emotions involved. The thing I like to try to remember though is - "It's called a Break Up because it's broken." (the book is by the same author of he's just not that into you - Greg Behrendt) That book was my bible last year when my high school bf broke up with me. Obviously things aren't working out for one or both of you - so it really is best for things to be over. It's tough though to pick the right time - you don't want to drag it out, but you want to be sure. It's tough business.

When i'm the dumped...which it seems I have been lately, i like to stick to my 6 step plan on feeling better about myself (being dumped is one of the worst self-confidence killers).

1. Cry. When it happens, just let it go and cryyyyy. Let it all out for as long as it takes in that one day / night
2. Pamper yourself. Seriously, after a good cry, pampering is the first thing I want to do. I go and get mani/pedis, facials, massages, retail therapy...etc!!
3. Go to your favorite place. But be careful it's not yours and your ex's favorite place...that will just stir up old memories. Me? I like to hit up the beach!!
4. Go out with friends!! In my experience, distractions = the biggest help in not moping in a relationship. Your friends are there for you when times get rough - and distractions are one of their greatest things!!
5. Don't despair. There seriously will be someone out there for you - at least to take your mind off of what's going on with that ex (even if you know you guys are meant to be, that your ex is the only one for you...don't shut yourself off...give it a try.)
6. Go with the flow. Don't fight these things - if the person says things are changing, things are changing for them. Like I said, if things are meant to be - they will be. I'm a firm believer in that one. =]

One last thing, "Awesome thought: Alone also means available for someone outstanding." - Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt, co author of "It's called a BREAKUP because it's BROKEN"

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