Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Cultivating your Friendship Garden

I found this written out from my drafts in July and I think it's very funny that in the cycles of life people fall back into this. What are your thoughts on it?

So, I'm going to use an analogy which is probably going to sound reallly bad, but it's got the same idea as the treasure chest analogy. But here it goes:

Sometimes, you've got to weed out the people who aren't on the same friendship page as you. They're just going to ruin the garden that is your life. But sometimes, the weeds end up to be the best friends and the prettiest flowers of the bunch.

Here's what I'm saying: Friendships are about giving and loving. When one side falls short, the other side can't always pick up all of the slack and then everything tips off the scale and the friendship's over. But sometimes, those weeds -- those people who you've ended friendships with are still reconcilable. You just find out later on in life.

I've been feeling this way lately. I surround myself with friends, whether it's in person, online, via the phone, long distance...all of it. I love friendships and interpersonal relationships. That's my life right there. All of the material things don't matter to me. If I had them and no friends, I would be unable to survive.

But it seems in the past year, that I've had friendships just end. At first I had a little panic: OMG AM I A BAD FRIEND?!

Okay, I know I'm not. Everyone has their moments at being selfish or a bad friend, but i tend to sacrifice more than is necessary or common because of my dependence on friendship. But then I realized...why am I putting all of this effort into cultivating this weed that is not enhancing my garden at all. It's looking like a tall reed among my flowers, instead of a weedy flower.

So I just stopped. I needed a break from cultivating. I nursed the flowers that I could reach, and I relied on the self-sustainability of the rest. You see, I've always been under the impression that if two people in a friendship don't speak for a month or two, or even a year, it doesn't mean the friendship is over. It just means those people are busy. When one person notices, they contact the other and the friendship rekindles. If someone has an issue in a friendship, it's respectful to notify the other person and the issue can be solved.

I guess a lot of people don't see things quite this way. They view it as, if I don't talk to you for a few months I don't care about our friendship at all, so it's obviously over so we're just not going to be friends anymore. They might even delete me from FaceBook (ohhhhh the horror!!!)

The thing with life is, it happens and if you think things are black and white, you're sadly mistaken. Everyone's got their own things going on. So if I'm not talking to you, I'm probably busy. If I have a problem with you, I will tell you. Let's make this all as simple as we can because everything is shades of grey. Let's just each show each other love, and we won't have to worry about not being friends.


  1. Very good analysis Rae. I had a "friend" who I used to be very close with. We haven't talked in almost 2 years. We both changed, yadda, yadda, yadda, but what I failed to realize during the time that we were "friends" was that she loved to make me the butt of jokes, embarrass me in front of others, etc, hence, I now see that she was really a weed that did nothing for the word "friendship" or my self esteem. I know that I haven't been the greatest friend all my life, but I never deliberately put others down to make myself look cool or funny or witty. It will be interesting to see if she ever reappears as a sunflower or something :)

  2. Thanks! My friend said the quote about weeds and it sparked me to think about it like that. I'm sorry you had such a horrible friend :(

  3. Dear Raewyn,

    I would like to have your permission to link this page to my message of the day for our website Tara Zen. I love what you wrote and your ideas for social weeding. Please write me and let me know if I am able to use your page as a deeper explanation from your point of view. My email is Taroway3@charter.net and our website is www.welcometotarazen.com/blog this is where I write the Card of the Day. Please write me with whatever you decide. Also please visit the page and let me know if you feel comfortable with this. The Card of the Day is the Moon for March 8, 2012. Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely, Janine Drake

  4. Great post! It is true, friendship is a give and take and both sides need to be on board with the level of 'closeness' required for both sides to be fulfilled.

    1. Oh I guess my reply never posted. I agree, it does have to be a closeness on both sides!


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