Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Let's all go get married!

Why hello there!

Sorry for the week-long hiatus. My laptop decided to commit suicide and, with classes, things have been a little crazy, to say the least. But I got a new hard drive today and my dad is helping me install all of the stuff, so we should be good to go.

Included in my craziness, is a little friend relationship drama...but we'll get to that. Mostly, I'm curious as to what people's thoughts are on the right age to marry. Not that there is a "wrong" age; it's mostly a touchy subject.

My thoughts on this were brought up on Friday when I was visiting my boyfriend's mom and little siblings. His 8-year old sister is very eager for us to be married. As we sat on the couch waiting to go to the orchestra (free tickets! it was awesomee!!), she told me that the last time she had seen Trevor she had asked him if he was goingto propose. Excitedly, she told me he said maybe and I should pick out a ring.

Imagine her devastation when I told her i wasnt ready to get married. Her face fell - I think she interpreted it that I don't want to marry Trevor, which isn't the case at all (it's definitely a potential distant future event). So how do you explain to an 8-year old that 20 is too young for me to be married?

See, to her, I am an adult and therefore must have everything that mommy and daddy have - the money to be married, and in a child's mind it's the natural progression of things - when you're an adult you get married. I don't have the money to get married - I can't even afford to live on my own. She also doesn't understand that I am barely learning to care for myself and make myself happy without depending on another person. Besides, what's the hurry?

I mean, I understand why girls used to marry at 12 and 13 in the Renaissance, and such - for protection, etc. But we also live a lot longer than 40 years now. We have no rush. Hell, some people don't even marry till 40! Nevertheless, I think I want to be married in my mid-to-late twenties. I want to experience life first!

Yesterday, amongst the gossip wheel, I heard that one of my girls is getting married. I was excited! She's been dating her best friend for about three years and they are so cute together. IF they really think they're ready for it...I'm going to suppor them. But then I learned that they broke up in June...and she's engaged to someone six years her senior whom she's dated for only two months.

I'm sorry but this just seems absurd to me...like it's a movie. How can you marry someone you've only known for a few months? How can you marry them and expect to stay together always without knowing their pet peeves or how they handle situations? What if he never showers? Worse, what if he is abusive?

This leads me to another friend of mine who learned about marrying too young. Her relationship ended in divorce - but with no physical or emotional duress, thank bog. After a year of dating someone 4 years her senior, she married him...the day after her 16th birthday. Lo and beold, adulthood comes around, she leaves for college and BAM! things are over. So now she's 20...and divorced.

What I'm trying to say is...I don't think it's a good idea to marry as a teen or even in your early 20s. There's so much more to experience!! Where's the rush!?



P.S. I have seen some marriages that started at age 18 that have worked out - so maybe it's just based on the people?

3 comments:

  1. Raewyn,
    I guess it is really based on a person's hopes and dreams as well as the person itself. Your Uncle and I have been married since our early 20's; we only knew each other for a little over a year when we married. We have lived life together, as you know we almost split 2 yrs ago, but found there was much we still wanted together. Marriage will always be a work in progress. There are cases were there is really no other choice than divorce, yet think of all that, that person/persons have learned about relationships, each other, life and most of all themselves.
    As far as being married early in life, for your uncle and I we do not regret it for a moment, for we are still young enough to enjoy grandchildren should that be our the choice of our children.
    Frankly we are enjoying a new level of life together now with adult children.
    Love,
    Aunt Lesa

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  2. People are just starting to figure out who they are in college. I don't understand how someone could know the kind of person they want to be with when they don't even know who they are.

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  3. Lol I remember when...the 16yr old friend got married [I won't say her name for her privacy]. The age difference between them wasn't ok with the guy's parents so it aggravated the situation---it was enough to make it illegal being that he was 19 or 20. I think its kinda funny to look back on now, but still can't believe her mom signed off on the Vegas wedding.

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