Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Wedding Wednesday: Let's Talk Bridezillas

Today, we have some serious wedding business to address. It comes in the form of one word, and I literally get angry whenever I hear it. I'm sure other brides do, too. I'm sure that other brides also strive so hard to avoid hearing that one word. I'm sure that other brides' hearts also break a little bit when it ends up directed at them.

Did you guess what word it is? Bridezilla. 

This word is nasty. It's another form of girl cruelty - picked up by men and the media and perpetuating it.

I mean, who exactly can be defined as a bridezilla? Is it a girl who cares about how her special day plays out? Is it a girl who is struggling internally with something and stressed to the max so she says something mean?

Google says:
1.a woman whose behavior in planning her wedding is regarded as obsessive or intolerably demanding.

Urban Dictionary has quite a bit more to say here.

My first order of business is to address the point that she is "intolerably demanding" or "thinks everything is about her" or "throws tantrums," etc. I know that there are women out there who are demanding, snarky and all around mean girls. I would imagine that they continue to be this way during their wedding planning process. Their ways are most likely caused my some sort of inner turmoil, trauma or hurt that they've experienced in life and are not addressing. Nobody is perfect, but everyone deserves to be loved. 

With that being said, if that is the "bridezilla" you are referring to, then why are you still speaking to her? 

If you're a friend - confront her or stop being her friend.
If you're a family member - take a back seat and only arrive at the wedding. Confront her and ignore her incessant calls.
If you're in the wedding industry - don't take her on as a client or leave your job. 

I think these solutions are far simpler and more full of delicious karma than calling her a bridezilla (because she will just get even CRAZIER if you were to do that). 

My main concern with this word is that it is thrown around. A lot. As in, I've been called a bridezilla for something unrelated to my wedding...entirely. 

So if your "bridezilla" is obsessed with her planning, or is generally a nice person and becomes a "bridezilla" you need to do some attitude changing of your own. 

Being a bride is not easy. Planning your life with someone is never easy. Event planning is generally very difficult, especially while trying to coordinate 50+ people. The wedding industry is very demanding and overwhelming to brides. 

The first time I walked into a bride expo, I was moments away from a panic attack and crying. This coming from the girl who goes to a lot of expos and loves chaos. There were people waving things in my face, aromas that stung my nose and a lot of loud noises. That would give anyone a sensory overload. Add in the fact that you are trying to take your intangible relationship and make it something physical. 

People ask "what colors represent you two?" "What passages are you going to read?" "What songs are you going to dance to?" 

For the guests, they might not notice all of the intrinsic details. For the sentimental bride, it is about her relationship. 

The world would be far better if weddings were backyard bbqs. But no longer is that usually the case. 

If you find a bridezilla in your life, I suggest talking to her. She is going through a lot of stuff. 

For example, here's my life at the moment: 

I work 32 hours a week, but spend an additional 10 or so hours driving to and from work. I have a large family, with lots of birthdays, babies and celebrations. My grandfather is in the hospital. I have some emotional drama going on [I'm willing to share, but not publicly out of respect for others involved]. Every penny I can spare goes to my wedding. During all of this planning and wedding money spending, you cannot ignore your relationship, sit at home and do nothing. You have to spend money on dates and on friend time. You have to buy people gifts. We're also moving weeks after our wedding. We need to find a place for that. 

All of this just seems to skim the surface. 

On top of that, every person asks about your wedding. They're excited, you're excited. It's hard to not talk about your wedding. It stresses me out to talk about it. It stresses me out to think that my friends might think that is all I talk about. 

I would love it if instead of calling me a bridezilla or asking about the wedding, that person thinking I am a bridezilla would look me in the eyes and say "Hey! How's the rest of your life going? Is anything stressing you out? Do you need help with day to day tasks? Want me to come sit on your bed and chat while we do chores?"

I have an amazing fiance, amazing friends and amazing family members. They are supportive of me and I could not ask for more from these people. I love you.  

For those people who feel the need to call me bridezilla...WATCH OUT. :)

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  1. I dont think you're a bridezilla girl. you just want things done and you want things done right and on time of course. any bride is like that. as for those on the show some of them have demons in them. and are just mean.

  2. Thank you so much girl!! It's like, I'm not even demanding. I tell people they can help me with planning if they want! The only events my bridesmaids have to be at are: getting their dresses, bridal shower and bachelorette...besides the wedding and rehearsal of course. And if they couldn't make something that's okay too! ugh.

    I haven't seen the show, but thinking of it made me say that some people are just mean in general.

  3. Goodness. I am giving you a virtual hug. Yikes! I don't think you are a brideszilla. Nothing you have mentioned on your blog screams that to me. I would also love if people would stop asking me about wedding planning and ask me about what is going on with my life. I have other things happening besides wedding planning. Sometimes they just don't understand that!

    Thanks for linking up! **HUGS**

  4. Thank you!! I know, I was so hurt by that, but decided to fuel it into a blog post to hopefully help everyone understand how not okay that word is. We have a right to care about our weddings! I think it was meant as a joke, but it fell flat.

    Thanks for the virtual hug!!

  5. This blog post could not be any more accurate! I've been called a control freak, which I can handle, but then also a Bridezilla. Considering I'm paying for most of my wedding and we have house stuff to worry about and all the numerous things you mentioned in the's so stressful! What the people calling you a Bridezilla don't realize is that all of your stress and effort put into the wedding planning and making it a perfect day also benefits the guests. They get to watch you marry your best friend, get a free meal, free dancing, and free drinks. Give the Brides a break! We are trying hard to make our day special for us and for the guests!

  6. exactly!!!! I'm sorry you got called a bridezilla, too :( I can totally handle control freak - I know I prefer to be in control, but I feel like bridezilla is just so mean spirited!

  7. You go, girl! Seriously, I salute all brides, especially ones with so much going on! I'm just going to go out on a limb and say most people who use the term "bridezilla" are jealous... Or just stupid (but probably both!).

  8. I had a friend being a bridezilla (she was oblivious to it ..of course) so I video recorded her secretly a few times on her outbursts and then showed them to her. She had this shocking look on her face that basically said, "Is that really me?" She became a MUCH nicer bride and enjoyed every bit of her wedding day. Of course there were a few stressful times that were appropriate but for the most part the zilla went away.

  9. Thank you!! I definitely think they are jealous and aren't realizing it! Most people when they are mean are jealous of something you have that they don't have!

  10. That is wonderful! This happened to me as a kid (not being a bridezilla) but I was having a "temper tantrum" or freak out because I was scared and it happened to be filmed. When I saw it on the recorder later that day I knew I had to stop! Sometimes we don't know how silly / crazy we are being!

  11. hahaha great post. Totally agree with you!


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