Friday, July 11, 2014

Doing it All

I'm in the market for some advice today. I hope that this blog isn't all over the place. It doesn't feel like it is, but it may be.



Do you ever struggle with wanting to do it all? I honestly, struggle with this constantly. I have perfectionist tendencies, but I'm not a hardcore perfectionist. I can let things go and not be in control of everything. It is difficult because the main component of my OCD is that I need to feel in control, or more specifically, stable.



Things have been way more stable in past years, especially since Iman came back into my life. My biggest instability recently has just been finances. I can't seem to get a good plan in place. We make enough money to afford our bills, we just don't always have the spending we should have, I think. But what's most difficult for me is accepting that my money and Iman's money go together.

I want to pay my bills by myself and without Iman's help. But I had a feeling that when we were planning on moving out again, I wouldn't be able to afford my bills and rent. I do just fun paying my bills off of my paychecks without paying rent, but when we added that in, and my pay lowered things got more difficult for me.

Iman has no problems paying for part of our bills or my bills, but I struggle with it. I struggle with it because I'm used to being the independent girl who can hold her own.

On top of that, I struggle with getting everything done that is expected of me. We still haven't finished our thank you cards and that is due to a hard core struggle on my part. I don't want to write thank you cards, I want to blog!

My time management is lagging, too. It's hard for me to stay on task to work from home. Blogging and my blogging ideas are just so alluring. I wish that I could devote the time to my blog that I want to! Devoting that time and paying the bills seem to be impossible right now.

I would LOVE for my house to be clean, also. I always try to do it all at home. Iman and I split our chores, as well. But I have this notion in my head that I need to do all of the chores, and shouldn't ask him to take out the trash if it needs to be taken out. Call me paranoid of being called a nag?

Basically, all of my worries and tight-chest panic is created by my own head. Why do I struggle with it? I don't know. But ever since we've moved in together (so yes, that's over 2 years) I've struggled with these feelings.

It's as if when I commit myself to him, I got this fear that everything would change and I needed to do everything or it wouldn't be enough.

So these are the things I am working on. Hopefully, as I work on them my chest stops hurting. This year's been a stressful one but it has been so much easier to de-stress with Iman by my side. That's the part that matters, right?

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a friend to work out a new budget. She's really good at helping me get back on track, because my usual thought process is to just ignore it and take it as it comes. But planning ahead is a much better option, especially for anxious me.

What are your tried and trued ways of not feeling overwhelmed? Do you struggle with wanting to do it all? How do you combat that?

Happy Friday!
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55 comments:

  1. CALM DOWN RAE!! I'm so damn sure you're doing everything GREAT! I can feel you, I have two weddings to attend, it's ramadan and we're fasting, I have a new job, I have a blog, I have a basketball playing schedule to be done and I want to do it perfectly which is almost impossible! You have Iman, which is the real part that matters! Relax and I'm sure everything will be alright for you :)

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  2. You know I struggle like a mad crazy person! I hate that I am not at a place yet in my life where I can afford to pay all of my bills and have some money left over to do fun things. Like go visit you. Sadly just not there yet and it sucks!

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  3. i've been struggling with finance stuff lately too. i just started a new job so my finances will be out of whack for awhile and i feel bad having my fiance compensate for me. but i try to remember i would do the same for him so i shouldn't be self conscious about it. good luck getting your finances in order.

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  4. Yvonne RhinehartJuly 11, 2014 at 3:55 PM

    I'm so glad to be almost done with thank you notes. For me, they are time consuming and I feel not very genuine even though I am truly thankful. When I got married though, I was really excited to be able to meld our funds together and start to pay things together. We use the goobudget app so that we can know where the dollars are going and manage to keep it to what exactly we have available. It makes my life so much easier, because I can see it and be in control of mine/our spending.

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  5. songbirdsandbuttonsJuly 11, 2014 at 4:16 PM

    YES! I've been struggling with this forever - I always try to do it all and have trouble asking for help. Thank you for being so honest!

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  6. Krista KetterhagenJuly 11, 2014 at 4:17 PM

    Life is a balancing act and it really sucks sometimes!

    I think you are doing just fine. Remember that you and Iman are going to be just fine but adjustments, especially money ones, are hard.

    As for time management- I suck at it so I can't give an advice.

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  7. I get chest pains too. Let go of everything you can and relax. In the end very little that we worry about matters. Just be happy.

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  8. I have a hard time relaxing too... I like being in control and things that I cannot control really drive me nuts and bring out my anxiety. Just breath, find something fun to get lost in (I like a good book) and try to not think about the things that are stressing you out!

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  9. Giiiiiiirl, I feel like this post came from my own head. I definitely struggle with anxiety and wanting to do it all and not being able to control things. (So basically everything) I wish I had some advice. Just know that you are not alone! <3

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  10. you are so sweet and omgosh so crazy busy!! Thanks lady for making me feel better :) We got this!

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  11. It super sucks!!!! I used to be able to do fun things and pay my bills :(

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  12. That is exactly how I feel / my husband says!! He's like "you do the same for me when you make more money." I guess I also feel guilty because compared to him I have SO much debt because of school. But I know it will get in order once my new job settles, too. We've got this! Thanks for the support!

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  13. OH! I need to check out that app!! I definitely am taking my time with our thank yous because I want each of them to be genuine. It is also so difficult with 200 guests! I'll get there though, I am sure no one is mad at me for not sending them yet!

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  14. You're welcome!! Thank you for being there with me!! It's easy to feel this way I think, but when we know that we aren't alone it is easier to remember to ask for help!

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  15. hahaha thanks girl!! Yes, I know the adjustments are hard but I know we can do it! I just want to pay down as much debt as I can before we have a family!

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  16. That is what I keep trying to remind myself that it all doesn't truly matter!! I am starting to feel better with the chest pain. I hope yours isn't hurting too bad!

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  17. I DEFINITELY need to read a new book! I have felt too busy to do that in forever but it actually helps me to feel less busy! Thank you for the advice / helping me know I'm not alone!

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  18. That is such a great idea! I need to do the same!! I sometimes wish there were more hours in the day - 8 hrs of work, 30 minutes of relaxing, 1 hr of gym time, sleeping, cooking, driving, husband time, blogging...I always feel like I could use an extra two hours a day!

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  19. Thank you so much! Knowing that I'm not alone actually helps so much! It's one thing for Iman to tell me it's okay, but something quite different when another girl tells me I'm not crazy :)

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  20. Good on ya girl, sounds like you're working it through the difficulty!!!

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  21. I think I struggled with similar things.. i wanted to keep my own identity and stay independent.. bc i feared i would lose myself. I think it's a constant transition.. can't say I never feel that way.. but it's gotten easier over the years. also i feel like i wrote almost the same post about time management recently.. so i feel ya.

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  22. Good on you, I have dedicated days when I sit and just blog or plan. As you have read I am dealing with my debt, firstly i called all the companies and arranged affordable repayments and now i have cancelled the unnecessary subscriptions. i do feel like you sometimes but then I just right my feelings down and work from there x

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  23. No advice here! I still struggle with this ALL the time. I try to get things out of my head to help though. To Do lists, planners, talking about it, etc. Anything to stop the crazy from building in my own mind!

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  24. I totally understand where you are coming from. There is a constant struggle within yourself to be a companion and to also be independent. It is a hard line to walk.

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  25. It's totally okay to feel like this sometimes. It actually spells trouble if we can't sense how lost we are. Don't despise your sensitivity to changes in your situations, I don't. I'm thankful that I'm self aware. You should be too! The secret is learning from your observation about your patterns and habits...and some amazing tips here from your readers! Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us, Rae! :)

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  26. I definitely struggle with wanting to do it all. Good for you for working your way through it.

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  27. I regularly feel that way and worry about how it will be when I go back to work in September and still have a household to maintain, 2 little ones to raise and want to keep up with my blogging. Thanks for sharing :)

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  28. I struggle with having so many projects going on simultaneously that it's hard to keep up. The best piece of advice I've gotten is to spend 15 minutes on anything. It may be turtle steps but at least you're 15 minutes closer to finishing than you were yesterday.
    StarrJoy16.blogspot.com

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  29. I've felt very overwhelmed recently with getting stuff ready for our baby boy. Breaking things down into smaller manageable chunks helps me a lot.

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  30. Most of my struggle I think is with focus. I'd be way more productive if I could actually sit down and do one thing at a time. I always have to stop or get distracted.

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  31. This post describes me perfectly!


    Katreena

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  32. I am definitely with you on the wanting to do it all thing. I honestly think it's just a woman thing, hahah.

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  33. Yvonne RhinehartJuly 14, 2014 at 7:52 AM

    It's a great app if you ask me. We sit down at the beginning of every month and look at it plus our bank accounts and go from there. It's always difficult when you've got a lot of things to write notes for, but I just wanted to be prompt. Presents we received before the wedding got thank you notes before the wedding. I think it's just from where my mom was in the navy and everything always had to be done quickly or maybe it was finishing school haha.

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  34. I am with you chelsea! I think its a woman thing to try to do it all!

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  35. I've been there! I think practice makes perfect and when both people involved have the same goals it's easier to set up a plan that works for everyone. It's crazy to think Nate and I have been sharing finances since after high school, so about a decade!

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  36. Thank you! I am really trying to work through it!

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  37. Thank you for sharing that you felt similar when you first got married! I was worried I felt alone! Also, time management sucks. We can do this!

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  38. I should call and arrange repayments! Thank you for that tip! Sitting and writing it out is the perfect solution to stress!

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  39. That's exactly what I try!! Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone!

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  40. It is! I am sure it will get easier!

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  41. Thanks Maggie for the tips and advice! I definitely agree with you that we must learn from our observations. I'm trying!

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  42. Thank you so much! Also, thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone

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  43. You're welcome! I can't imagine how you do it all with your two littles! Moms are serious super heroes in my eyes.

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  44. I think that it must be a natural feeling for those of us who have OCD to think we need to do all of these things perfectly.

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  45. Thanks Starr! So do you spend 15 minutes on each project?

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  46. Thank you so much for the advice! Occasionally, I panic about when I get pregnant and getting ready for a baby but I know that everyone gets through it!!!

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  47. I think that I have a lot of trouble with focus as well.

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  48. I knew when we met in blogland we had stuff in common!

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  49. Life definitely gets crazy busy this time of year. There are a lot of things we're about to have coming up as well. I usually do fill up the card, but I have BIG handwriting haha.

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  50. hahaha, maybe I will increase my handwriting size!!!

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  51. That is crazy!! We have the same goals, we are just trying to find a way for them to be action. :)

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  52. The main problem is sometimes I run out of room before I'm done haha.

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  53. hahah, I write pretty big but I'm writing like multiple paragraphs in these thank yous so I can probably make it larger. I hate when you have to shrink things down to size!

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