Reflections

It's been roughly six months since I moved home from Ohio. I left that craziness to fall right into the California craziness. It seems like the craziness just doesn't end. I thought now would be a good time for reflection because - yes I've had a lot of ups and downs in both Ohio and California - but I truly believe that I am closer to feeling completely like “me” than I was 6 months ago. I;m also confident that in another 6 months I'll feel a lot closer to being the person who I was in high school, just older and wiser.

I know that everyday of my life I'm going to be searching for who I am and trying to find ways to better myself. This is my lifelong search and I seriously hope that I never feel like I've “found myself.” As for right now, I've made a lot of positive changes to make myself HAPPIER. Because happiness is my ultimate goal, not contentment – I feel that contentment is the death of a dream.

My goals when I came home from Ohio was as follows (because I love lists):

• to find a good paying job

• to save up money to move out by June

• to fix chuck

• to pay off my debts

• to go to concerts

• to spend time with my friends

• to go to Ohio for a visit

• to go to school

• to start my blog

Obviously, after 6 months, I have 5 of that list completed. I have finally found a good job (it's not exactly good paying but I will be getting lots of hours. Also, I'm still searching for a receptionist job so I could have two). I went to lots of concerts and spent time with my friends (although most of them live far away). I am currently attending school to get the rest of my GEC's out of the way. AND I started my blog!! I decided it's time for a new list of goals for the next 6 months – to modify these slightly. I'm hoping that less craziness (anxiety, hormonal, etc) happens in this 6 months so I can achieve my goal!

• to get into CSUN

• to pay off my debts ($2,000)

• to fix Chuck

• to move out by July 2010

• to volunteer as much as I can

• to get a 4.0 both semesters

• to save up money!!

• to get an internship at Ms. Magazine!

Of course, my goals are ambitious, and some of them are a little longer than the next 6 months (Chuck and moving out) but I really feel that these are the next steps toward my happiness. I am happy right now – I have an amazing family (that craziness is settling down), I have an amazing boyfriend (this crazy has also settled down), I have amazing friends (though many live too far away) and I am in school working toward my future. I've just begun my new job and got out of that shitty situation at my old work and hopefully will be able to start saving up my money!!

Wish me luck!