Friday, March 21, 2014

Friendships: Growing Up and Growing Apart

I'm almost twenty-five; and in June, i will have been out of high school for seven years. It doesn't seem to matter how long ago you graduated, though, high school-like drama always seems to find you. Sometimes friendships grow apart, as we grow up but we don't realize the friendship has come to an end until it is filled with toxic drama. Friendship drama is the worst. I am sure we all have it as we grow apart. 

The worst part about growing up and growing apart is knowing when it's time to call it quits.

I've had a few friendships end too late, and others that I thought ended too soon. With another person involved in the friendship, it is easy to feel slighted. 

After high school and college it is harder to keep in contact with friends. We spend 40+ hours a week working, hours in traffic (for commuters like me) and it's easy to come home and just be exhausted. 

When we're in high school, our different interests make our friendships worthwhile. As we grow and get into different careers, we start to have less in common. 

That is when friendships start to fade. It takes a lot more work to stay in contact with someone whose day to day life is different than yours. It doesn't mean that those friendships have to end, just that they take more work. 

Both of you must work harder to keep your friendship strong. It is a careful balance. 

I have had many friendships where I've felt like I've given more and ended up getting slighted; and I've had friendships where I've given my all and I realize now, that it was still not enough. Holding grudges only makes the drama worse.

As we grow apart, letting go earlier is easier. 

Some times, a solution to growing apart is having a true heart-to-heart about your current lives. If you feel like your friend never texts you back, maybe it is because she actually doesn't like texting (or have time) and would prefer a phone call from now on. 

The important part in growing apart and avoiding drama, is to always be graceful in your conversations. A friend may be lashing out at you and your friendship. Don't snap back or ignore his/her feelings. Try to be understanding.

At the same time, it is important to realize when it's over. Sometimes those words "I am sorry, I just don't think we are very good friends anymore." 

Hopefully, your friend feels it, too, or can help you find a way to stop your friendship from growing apart. 

Or there's the drama approach with the response being along the lines of "Fine then don't be my friend" or "You really seem to care so much about me to end the friendship."

Unfortunately, then you are left with a dilemma. Do you enter into the drama or do you just let it be? 

My response? Let it be! 


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  1. Sadly, that doesn't just apply to High School friends. You will always find that some friends are only there for a time but the ones that are there for the long haul are the ones to cherish. The ones where friendship never seems like work so much as just a bond and the ones you can count on always are the keepers!

  2. hahaha yeah by "high school drama" I mean they act like they're still in high school!!! I had a fun experience this week with someone who acts like she's still stuck in high school but also happens to be a high school friend.

  3. It's so difficult to keep in touch with friends! As bad as it sounds, sometimes I forget that I have any. I'm a super-senior in college, so all my friends are off pursuing their careers now, and we all get so caught up in our own lives we barely ever talk! I don't know how people maintain friendships! I'm the worst at it.

  4. P.S -- My favorite thing about spring is the clothes! I love getting to switch it up after being bundling up all winter.

  5. I've only been out of high school for about 2 years (3 years in June 2014) and I've always experienced this the first year we left high school. I actually met up with a friend that was growing apart and we both wanted to reconnect again which felt like a blessing. But I think a lot of us take our high school friends for granted thinking they'll "still be there" while we focus more on new friends.

  6. I've been out of high school for 10 years, and the drama followed all throughout college. No more drama for me, since I have about 3 friends. I've learned that it's not the quantity of friendships that matter but the quality. I'd much rather have 3 friends who I don't have to keep tabs on to see if they're about to stab me in the back somehow. The friends I have now, I know they wouldn't do that and I don't have to worry about ridiculous drama with them. Now that, is refreshing! So, I definitely agree to LET IT BE! :)

  7. I agree!! I am in the process of doing that. Not necessarily cutting down my friends but focusing on quality!

  8. That is wonderful!! After the first year out of high school my best friend and I almost lost our connection but we had a similar meeting and ended up still being best friends today!!

  9. It is definitely difficult! I think that my friends and I are in the same situation as you. It's a transitional period no matter which position we're in, but checking in every once in awhile goes a long way. Also, I've found having an understanding with my friends that we are busy with our lives and will talk when we can goes a long way.

  10. Great thoughts. It's sad but growing apart is inevitable.

  11. I just love this so much. I know exactly what you mean about friendships growing apart. I feel like my social life has taken a big dip ever since I graduated from college, but I'm actually okay with it. I would rather spend time with people who actually want to be around me rather than hang with a bunch of strangers or with people who don't really care for me or want to take advantage of me. I think part of growing up is knowing when to let go of toxic friendships even if they've lasted for several years.

  12. Just went through this on Friday! I was like 'is this real life right now?' Felt like I was back in friggin high school. So over it

  13. Exactly!! I've been feeling like that a lot lately, so I thought I would share!

  14. It is! I'd rather see the beauty in it.


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