Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Always Wear Your Invisible Crown

Saturday was International Women's Day. I wanted today's post to be inspired by that greatness.

I don't know what it was that made me such a strong-willed girl power enthusiast. It could have been my hours of watching Power Puff Girls and Johnny Quest; it could have been from hanging out with my cousins; or it could have been from growing up in the 90s "Girl Power" era.

Personally, I think I was born this way.

From a small age, I was concerned with inequality. Why does he get to do that and I can't?  I did not realize that it was gender inequality until I was much older. I just didn't like being told what to do. "You can't do that" motivated me to do just that, and then some more. I'm still like this...I don't like to be bossed around. [Side note, check out the Ban Bossy campaign! I'm in love!]

Anything you can do, I can do better. This was my mantra as a kid.

Girl Scout camp was my favorite as a kid (I'm the blondie) 

In 5th grade we played this game called "Peg Ball." Basically, it was like kickball, only you tried to hit the other team members. The boys liked to play boys against girls. One day, the ball flew at me and hit me in the face, knocking off my glasses. I was livid.  
I picked up my glasses, put them on and marched over to Justin Whatshisface and said "Apologize. You're not supposed to aim for our heads." He wouldn't. Instead he decided to attempt to threaten me with his fist? He was waving it around like he'd never hit anyone before. I was a purple belt in karate.  
He was too scared of me to say anything, so his friend spoke up with the words "He'll hit you, he's hit his girlfriend." I glared at him and shot back "Do I look like his girlfriend? He should respect girls and women and apologize to me for hitting me in the face."  
Finally he did and rumors swirled around school that I was a bad ass. I was just standing up for myself...

Throughout my life, from whenever I first heard the word "feminist," I knew I was one.

Girls and women tend to shy away from the term - believing that it is synonymous to "feminazi," a term created by patriarchy because they're terrified of what us girls can do when we get together. Heaven forbid marriages are partnerships and tasks in life are split 50/50 or by who has a less strenuous work schedule, rather than be dependent on gender.

My favorite words to hear out of a man's mouth are "I'm a feminist." 

If you want a true definition of the word, check out this post. In short, "feminist" means you believe women should have rights. All of the other stuff, is what's tacked onto it by others and society.

Yes, I think that the glass ceiling is bullshit and believe that women should be offered the same rate of pay as a man based on skill not gender. 

When Iman and I first became serious and moved in with each other, I felt like a fraud as a feminist because I wanted to cook him dinner and I didn't mind cleaning up after him. I battled with my feelings of women's rights and that guilt led to quite a few fights that he probably isn't aware of.

This man doesn't take away my feminism. 

Because I am a feminist and I did these things for him out of love, I felt that I deserved to have things done for me out of love. That isn't true though. I deserve to be loved but I can take care of myself - as can any woman out there. I don't need Iman to clean up my mess or cook for me.

Girls, we don't need a man, even though it is the most wonderful thing to fall asleep next to the person that I love.

I know this post probably jumped all over about women's rights and feminism, but I hope it at least made some sense to you. I hope you realize how much self-worth you have without any other human being taking any of it.

Also, I've been on the hunt for a girl's group to work with or be a part of and would love any recommendations. I have been dreaming of being a Girl Scout leader for awhile, but I'm not sure if I have enough time. I'm in the LA/OC area, so if you know of any wonderful organizations looking for something more than monetary support, please comment below!

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  1. oh girl I cleaned and cooked enough for a man who didn't appreciate it for 7 years that I plan to never do another man like that. I dont plan on doing that with my sweetie i'm with now. heck when i go over to his house he waits on me and he's the one that wants to spoil me :D something i've never ever had before

  2. A) that is the BEST picture ever
    B) i clearly don't need a man. that boy needs me more than he'll ever know ;)

  3. Haha love that story of 5th-grade you. I have similar stories as well. I was always in trouble for fighting boys (they thought they could treat me like other girls and I was just pout and cry…Boy did they have another thing coming…and boy was my dad proud haha).

  4. I loved this post! I know what you mean about feeling like a fraud to your feminist beliefs sometimes, especially when you're in a relationship, but I always remind myself that part of being a feminist is about choosing whatever makes me happy, not the majority

  5. I feel like I learned so much about you just in this one post. I loved everything you said, especially that flashback story. I wish I was that brave when I was that young. I was way shy.

  6. AMEN! This post is just awesome - you took the words straight out of my mouth!




  7. Yay!! I am so glad you agree!! Thank you!

  8. Oh my gosh you are so sweet!! I have always been weirdly brave. Sort of shy with strangers but if someone was mean or was hurting someone, I couldn't take it. I'm still the same way actually.

  9. Aww thank you!! Exactly! Sometimes (because of what others say and feel) we'll feel that fraud feeling. But it really is about having rights and choosing what is best for us!

  10. oh I just love it!!! Except, I remember one time a boy liked me and I didn't know him and I kicked him for being mean. I now wonder how many guys liked me but were scared of me.

  11. eee, the picture of Iman and I? Or the one I made?

    haha, you and Jake are cuuute

  12. yeah, I think that if I was not appreciated I would not keep doing it. I am so happy he spoils you!!

  13. Thanks girl and yea me too. :D Can't wait to be with him 24/7

  14. There are so many people out there who think feminism is about what a woman should or shouldn't be - not domestic, not in a relationship - and it's absolute balls. Feminism is about CHOICE. It's about women having the choice to be who they are and do what they want to do without constraints or judgment from society! I'm really... vigorously political about these issues.

  15. I love this. I think I am the same way too.

  16. Exactly!! That is exactly how I feel and why I started my blog (and someday magazine)

  17. Thank you so much! I am so happy you are the same :)

  18. Samoa and I have this running joke that he likes the fact that I'm a "grown ass woman who can take care of herself" which I totally am! I don't have to cater to him, but some days I just can't help it bc I want to make him feel as special as he makes me feel. I am also a feminist but like you've described, not the kind that society portrays us all to be. I fully believe in women's rights and will stand up for myself!

  19. I knew we were such good friends for a reason!! And yes! I am the same way! There are a ton of things I do for Iman (like cook us dinner and bring it to the table) but it makes me feel fulfilled that I can do something special like that


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