2010, welcome!

I have always been one to reflect on who I am, who I have been, and who I want to be on a fairly regular basis. I am always striving to find some way to "better" myself, although that can be taken very wrong. In bettering myself, I mean that I always want to be learning more and being the type of person who likes the person that they are.

Of course, it is human nature to dislike things about oneself and self-loathing is very common in our society. But I feel that it is so counter-productive to my well-being because if I don't love myself, how am I supposed to care for myself or truly love another human being?! (Granted, this is my view on life, and many people have different views.)

The first part of my definition of being a warrior queen is being the best of you in all situations.

Sometimes, I fail this.

Maybe not in a way that anyone could notice, but definitely in a way that I notice. Definitely in a way that I cringe in my own skin. It usually revolves around girl cruelty.

I have resolved the fact that girl cruelty is something that is inane in every girl / woman unless she overcomes it and it is going to happen to me and I, unfortunately, will take part in it. I want to minimize that, though. And I will. I can do it. I'll stop thinking mean things about people -- increase my karma? Remember they have feelings. That type of thing. I'm going to go back to being graceful ((I think I'm going to start with not being FAKE nice to Leah at work...))

I can't help but think that my "mean" thoughts stem from being influenced at my impressionable age by people in Orange County. Although it is easy to blame these people that I have encountered, who's to say that I wouldn't have encountered those people in Covina?

Before I moved here, less than 10 years ago -- crazy to think that at this point in the last decade I had no idea I would ever be living in Orange County, or doing any of the things that I am doing now -- I was probably one of the kindest, most courteous children in Southern California.

I wanted to help everyone ((I still do)) and I accepted everyone ((I try to...)). I was everyone's friend and I was oblivious to judgments. Sooner or later I would have had a rude awakening, true; but of course it happened at my most impressionable time.

I have retained a person that I love and I work everyday to be the change I want to see, but it doesn't appear to be enough for me. A quote I found in class last year -- Contentment is the death of a dream.

I'm not content. I'm not settling.

New Year's day is just another day in my life, with significance brought on by materialism and society. But, I have a feeling 2010 is going to be a little bit better than 2008 or 2009. We deserve this. We can do this. =]

P.S. I am compiling a list of goals for 2010 on my xanga cuz it likes lists. Clicky ;)