Tut-Tut Looks Like Rain

I am obviously referring to my black cloud. I thought that by saying it was going to go away I could actually make it go away, like I've done with my fear but I apparently do not have that much control (although the control freak in me would LOVE to think I do).

This is not the case. I have decided my black cloud is never going to go away because it follows my entire family. Tut-tut, it's always going to look like rain. Time to suck it up and accept it and climb over it!

LUCKILY, I have this really cool ladder that helps me climb over clouds. (Also, I'm afraid I've been sounding even crazier in my posts lately, oh man.) It's made of optimism and faith that things will work out.

Today, when my black cloud struck and I had a break down because things keep going in a cycle and my family and I can not seem to get ahead at all, I started questioning what the point of everything is. I still have not come to a conclusion. I am not religious at all; I vaguely believe in the idea of a God who jump started this whole thing and then said "have fun!" and watches us as his favorite sitcom. Vaguely. Mostly, I have this idea that everything is interconnected and reliant on each other and there seems to be a reason for everything in this life and that it won't be revealed to us but that there is a reason.

I don't have any facts to back that up. It's just this intuitive feeling that I have, or maybe it's just something I tell myself to keep myself from sinking into a depression with thoughts that everything is pointless.

Maybe life is completely random chaos that doesn't have a reason. But I feel like there is a reason for our chaos. That we learn lessons and grow and procreate for a reason. Maybe that reason is just to continue our species. I have no idea and frankly, the thought is making my head hurt in a Theory of Knowledge sort of way. I wonder what Shields has to say on this subject. I should go visit him.

Anyway, I've accepted my black cloud. HEY LOOK BLACK CLOUD! I KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING AWAY. but i am not scared of you.

Not.

one.

bit.

So let's keep those hits coming, I'll always rise above with a smile, somehow. It's just in my nature. And in the mean time, let's all try to stay dry in this rain?!