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Saturday, January 30, 2010

RIP Peepers

I don't really know how to deal with death. When Gregory died, it just hurt all the time knowing that I was never going to be able to see his smile or hear his laugh again. It was hard to go over to the Gilman's as well as driving by his house. We started up a couple of traditions so that he could "live on" because it made us feel better. Rituals are around solely to make the people understand and to feel better.

At the same time though, I didn't live with Gregory. I, to this day, cannot comprehend losing someone that I live with. To a lesser degree, I know how it is to lose a pet.

Last night, we had to put our cat Peepers to sleep. He had a really bad kidney infection that we did not know he had. It started so suddenly and it broke my heart listening to him cry in the bathroom before my mom took him to the vet.

It hasn't really hit me yet fully because he's usually hiding or outside being silly. Crash hasn't realized it yet either. When he realizes it he's going to be so sad. We're going to be getting a new kitten next week to hopefully stop Crash from becoming depressed. Since he's such an empathetic dog.

It's not my first time losing a kitty. My family has always been a cat family, so losing Peepers wasn't our first. When I was born we had Ghia. She was very old at that point but she didn't die until I was 7 or 8. When I was 3 or 4 we got Alley. He was my kitty. My baby!

When Ghia died, she was very sick for a long time. She stayed in the bathtub and would barely eat. Alley kept a vigil for her and didn't leave her side till she died. She died while I was sleeping. When I woke up in the morning she was just gone. I don't remember how I felt. I don't remember a lot about that time of my childhood.

Shortly after, we gave Alley to my grandma. She always has had a ton of cats and Alley was depressed. We thought if he was around other cats he would be happy. He got even more depressed because he thought we were abandoning him. He starved himself to death. This happened when my mom was a stay at home mom so I didn't go to my grandma's as much. I found out 2 months after he starved himself that he was dead. I don't know how I felt when he died either.

We didn't have a pet for a long time after that, other than turtles, frogs, lizards, and fish. You can't cuddle those animals like you can cuddle a dog or a cat!! About 9 years later we got Crashy. Shortly after that we got Mew. She was a crazy cat. We traded her to my aunt for Peepers. Losing Gwenevere was not as devastating either because she's still alive.

I'm not quite sure how I feel. I've been wanting a new kitty for awhile. Just because it's hard for me to not have a kitty to sleep with like Gwenevere. Now we definitely have to get one for my momma. It's really got me thinking about death though.

Sad Day. I'm not sure where this was supposed to go. But I wanted to write it all out, and my journal is too far away.

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