Monday, September 9, 2013

I'm trying to keep calm and carry on

I had a different blog planned out today, but I decided that this was more necessary in my life. You see, I wrote about how I had a fantastic weekend planned and my ideal weekend.

Well then I really did have a fantastic weekend. I let go and was carefree and it was exactly what I needed to remember. I've had some great weekends lately but I haven't had ones where I stopped stressing. Seriously, I'm like a stressed out hot mess 24/7 and I'm tired of it.

In part, it's because of my anxiety disorder and the extreme difficulty I have in letting go of control. I've mentioned it time and time again how I worry about money (for the wedding) and work constantly and feel stuck. Well I let that feeling rule everything, basically. I let it get in the way of hanging out with friends (because I will go out, but I won't be completely present because I'm worrying about the money I'm spending, or what else I could be spending my time doing). I let it get in the way with Iman. I let it get in the way with everything.

Luckily, unlike most of the time I realize this, I did not have a breakdown. Merely, having that fun was enough for me. Yes, it involved alcohol. I typically don't like to use alcohol to change my emotions (to "escape" when I'm upset or to have more fun when I'm stressed). I come from a family of alcoholics. I learned by watching that that is not the way to deal with things. But, this time I decided to have something to drink. Not to have fun, but as a byproduct of that fun.

Let's face it, sometimes I have more fun when I'm tipsy.

But really my weekend was filled with seeing some old friends and playing games. On Friday, we went to Dave and Busters and on Saturday we ended up playing darts at the bar we went to. Plus we had a fantastic hotel room at a really great rate and then yesterday was foooootballl.

Bonus: I got to have dinner with this girl and her fam, she's rocking her WQ bracelet.

Has anyone else needed to just let go? 

I'm going to try to pull this feeling into the whole month of September! I was going to do some yoga this morning (destresses most people...but has always made me uncomfortable. But maybe if I do it alone it will be better). I slept instead, so I'm planning on doing yoga while watching the Eagles kick ass tonight.


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  1. It's hard for me to let go and be calm. I don't think "calm" is in my wiring lol ... I suffer from panic attacks, although, thankfully they have gotten fewer and further between as I've gotten older - but I still have periods of frequent ones ... so I feel your pain there.

    I also worry about money ... a lot. Which is why I became an Independent Scentsy Consultant. I just started but I can already see how it will help financially! Even if you have no time, you can still make it work ... just something to think about/consider, I'd love to talk to you about it if you were curious. I know people who payed for their weddings by being a scentsy consultant!

  2. Well the Eagles did kick ass so there is that. I don't like to turn to drinks either when I am stressed but like you when the situation is right and it's a part of the fun then I'll sip a bit. I've suffered from stress driven depression most of my adult life and learned to let go. Really not sure how I learned that, something just could have been the busted tea pitcher or the book against the wall but we shall never know.

    I hope you are able to start letting go a bit more, life is so much easier when you can.

  3. Haha I'm anxious too, so I know exactly what you mean. I analyze and then reanalyze everything. One thing that keeps coming up at church is that being anxious is showing a lack of trust in God because, well, He knows what's up and what's coming, and when I'm anxious about stuff, it's like I don't believe He has my best interests in mind. So I worry about it. And it's frustrating. I know this stuff in my head, but I just... I just can't get past my own thoughts and anxieties. Good luck to us both, eh?

    Bethany at Before, During, and After


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